Fighting can be damaging. It involves emotions. When emotions get involved, you may say harmful things that you really dont mean to say, and unfortunately whats done can never be taken back.
As much as possible, avoid getting into a heated argument. A fight can easily damage a marital relationship. The fight may start over an unimportant matter and before you both know it, it soon escalates into an exchange of offensive words.
Always remember the Law of Harvest. Dont continue to sow seeds of you always or you never into your relationship so that you will not reap it. Whatever you focus on and hear over and over again becomes a reality.
Avoid using the following words:
You did it again!
When will you learn?
I cant believe this. I married someone whos not capable of doing things right.
This is such a mess!
Don´t pull out the big gun when argument progresses and emotions rise to the surface for the sake of winning. Don´t try to bring in the past. Let bygones be bygones forever. Stay out of it. Leave it where it belongs. Bringing up the past in an argument can add fuel to the fire. Focus only on the present situation no matter how difficult it is.
In a fight no one really wins because both parties lose the game. This affects closeness of the husband and wife. Gaps arise because of the fight. Your spouse will feel awkward when you are around after the fight. Fighting is really immature regardless of how old you are or how long you have been married. It is only natural for children but not for adults.
Treat your spouse the treatment he or she deserves. Be careful with the words that you use.
Keep Your Marriage Like New
Maybe you should go back to the basics of your relationship, and try to gather back all the things that you need for you to keep your marriage as good as when you were proclaimed newlyweds. First is love. It is the most essential part of a relationship. Let this love bind you once again.
Have your full and endless support for each other. Though some differences may arise on some things that needs a decision, it will be very rewarding if you will support whoever is tasked to make that decision. Respect each other's decision. Be there always for him/her, in achievements and in failure. That support, for sure, will be appreciated.
Have proper communication between the two of you. If your husband or wife committed something that annoys you, talk to him/her. Explain what you feel, and let him/her explain also. Discuss everything—problems, rules—and other things that needs to be discussed. Do not let these problems linger and cause more rift between the two of you.
Show your care for your spouse everyday of your life. Happy couples do show how much they care for each other. Take him/her out for a dinner, or you can serve your spouse whenever they feel tired. Small things can produce large results
Relight the torch that has made your relationship burning. Rediscover what you felt for your life when you weren't married yet. Looking at your marriage in a new light can make it feel new once again.
Have your full and endless support for each other. Though some differences may arise on some things that needs a decision, it will be very rewarding if you will support whoever is tasked to make that decision. Respect each other's decision. Be there always for him/her, in achievements and in failure. That support, for sure, will be appreciated.
Have proper communication between the two of you. If your husband or wife committed something that annoys you, talk to him/her. Explain what you feel, and let him/her explain also. Discuss everything—problems, rules—and other things that needs to be discussed. Do not let these problems linger and cause more rift between the two of you.
Show your care for your spouse everyday of your life. Happy couples do show how much they care for each other. Take him/her out for a dinner, or you can serve your spouse whenever they feel tired. Small things can produce large results
Relight the torch that has made your relationship burning. Rediscover what you felt for your life when you weren't married yet. Looking at your marriage in a new light can make it feel new once again.
Not Satisfied With My Marriage
The dissatisfaction may be many areas. It might be the home they are living in. It may be that the husband does not help the wife in household chores. The husband may complain that the wife is not helping him in growth of his career. It may have to do with difference of views about spending and saving. You will hear complain after complain and may wonder how people stay together with so many complaints?
The dissatisfaction may be emotional. She is not bothered when I am feeling unhappy and she will reply that even he does not bother. Getting physical satisfaction is now a distant dream. Going to places to enjoy with each other is long past. It is watching television at home and somehow killing time. Some people even dread holidays, because they may have to stay with wife all the day. There will be doubts about each other’s friendships and a bundle of complaints about how I am suffering but no one is simply concerned.
Why the communication lines have broken down so badly? Why are spouses not satisfied with each other? It is difficult to say. But this problem can be solved with little effort. Let them sit together and write all their complaints on a paper. Exchange the papers and discuss about everything. Decide that from now onwards, I will try and satisfy you in all the possible ways. If you still have to say something to me, tell me after a month. Give me a month’s time. Keep the talks on through out the month and determine that we will bring back cheer in our life again. We will bring happiness back and become a model couple. This decision itself will change a lot immediately.
The dissatisfaction may be emotional. She is not bothered when I am feeling unhappy and she will reply that even he does not bother. Getting physical satisfaction is now a distant dream. Going to places to enjoy with each other is long past. It is watching television at home and somehow killing time. Some people even dread holidays, because they may have to stay with wife all the day. There will be doubts about each other’s friendships and a bundle of complaints about how I am suffering but no one is simply concerned.
Why the communication lines have broken down so badly? Why are spouses not satisfied with each other? It is difficult to say. But this problem can be solved with little effort. Let them sit together and write all their complaints on a paper. Exchange the papers and discuss about everything. Decide that from now onwards, I will try and satisfy you in all the possible ways. If you still have to say something to me, tell me after a month. Give me a month’s time. Keep the talks on through out the month and determine that we will bring back cheer in our life again. We will bring happiness back and become a model couple. This decision itself will change a lot immediately.
Emergency Tips to Save Your Marriage
How To Save Your Marriage 1
You need to get the communication back. Communication is usually one of the first things that dries up in a problematic marriage, and that in itself leads to a lot of other problems. To help you both communicate more effectively set aside a certain amount of time each day to share with each other. During that time, talk over your days and ask questions of each other. Find out what it is that made you want to communicate with each other to begin with. After a few days of doing this you should find your communication skills are beginning to come back for each other.
How To Save Your Marriage 2
Spend some quality time together. It's a little bit of a cliché, but a nice trip or a few days spent outside your usual relationship area can do wonders for you both. Even better, if you can make trips or activities like this a habit, as it will help you learn how to interact with each other in a fun and loving fashion again. These days it's all too easy to let our communications boil down to the bear minimum, so try not to let this happen.
How To Save Your Marriage 3
Brush up on your listening skills. Sometimes when you get to know someone so well, it's almost as if you feel you no longer need to engage them or listen to them in conversation. If you can become a better listener you can prove to your partner that you are engaged in their life and that you respect their opinions. Is there anyone that doesn't want that? Simply by starting and actively participating in conversations with them you will be strengthening your bond, and you'll notice your partner is more interested in you too.
How To Save Your Marriage 4
Don't let the finance ruin the romance. Life can be very tough when money is an issue in a marriage. Financial problems are often ongoing and unlikely to be solved in short order, so it's a great idea to develop a set of rules for you both. If you both abide to a pre-conceived idea about how you will take care of the finances, the problems and arguments should be minimized.
How To Save Your Marriage 5
Make it fun. A marriage should be in place due to the amount of fun you have had with each other at some point. If you've removed the fun and replaced it with the mundanity of everyday life, how can you possibly expect the marriage to survive? It's an excellent idea to have some activities or hobbies to get involved with together-these can very easily become “your” way to spend time and have fun with each other.
As you've seen, the answer to the question “how to save a marriage?” varies widely from relationship to relationship, but hopefully you will find something of use in this article. Check out the links below for some great marriage advice.
You need to get the communication back. Communication is usually one of the first things that dries up in a problematic marriage, and that in itself leads to a lot of other problems. To help you both communicate more effectively set aside a certain amount of time each day to share with each other. During that time, talk over your days and ask questions of each other. Find out what it is that made you want to communicate with each other to begin with. After a few days of doing this you should find your communication skills are beginning to come back for each other.
How To Save Your Marriage 2
Spend some quality time together. It's a little bit of a cliché, but a nice trip or a few days spent outside your usual relationship area can do wonders for you both. Even better, if you can make trips or activities like this a habit, as it will help you learn how to interact with each other in a fun and loving fashion again. These days it's all too easy to let our communications boil down to the bear minimum, so try not to let this happen.
How To Save Your Marriage 3
Brush up on your listening skills. Sometimes when you get to know someone so well, it's almost as if you feel you no longer need to engage them or listen to them in conversation. If you can become a better listener you can prove to your partner that you are engaged in their life and that you respect their opinions. Is there anyone that doesn't want that? Simply by starting and actively participating in conversations with them you will be strengthening your bond, and you'll notice your partner is more interested in you too.
How To Save Your Marriage 4
Don't let the finance ruin the romance. Life can be very tough when money is an issue in a marriage. Financial problems are often ongoing and unlikely to be solved in short order, so it's a great idea to develop a set of rules for you both. If you both abide to a pre-conceived idea about how you will take care of the finances, the problems and arguments should be minimized.
How To Save Your Marriage 5
Make it fun. A marriage should be in place due to the amount of fun you have had with each other at some point. If you've removed the fun and replaced it with the mundanity of everyday life, how can you possibly expect the marriage to survive? It's an excellent idea to have some activities or hobbies to get involved with together-these can very easily become “your” way to spend time and have fun with each other.
As you've seen, the answer to the question “how to save a marriage?” varies widely from relationship to relationship, but hopefully you will find something of use in this article. Check out the links below for some great marriage advice.
Thinking About Marrying Again?
Before making another step in marrying again, are you ready to experience again the consequences of living again with someone?
First, you must review the performance you made in your first marriage. You will ask to yourself, how could I be a better spouse? How come our union ended in divorce? What really went wrong? What weaknesses do I still need to work on? There are many questions remained in your first marriage. So you must able to answer first all unending questions before thinking to marry again.
Second, know what you’re really looking for in a partner. Be sure of the character traits you want. Don’t force yourself to settle down just because you’re lonely and in dire need of a companion. Finally, let time answer your questions. Enjoy your freedom, at least for a moment and give yourself much time in finding your potential mate before you say “I do” again.
In entering another chapter in your life, second marriage is a very challenging obligation for you. Many different things will about to change in your everyday life when you finally decided in remarrying again. Freedom of you will be lost again. You must be prepared of the new responsibility you will take and how you take it with readiness.
For marrying the second time around, there are lots of things to consider for making it a successful one. There are many situations you must able to fully understand in order to avoid again differences to your new spouse. These are the following:
•EXPECTATIONS FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
In the beginning of the second marriage, problems will not occur instantly. As to a new couple, you are savouring your new found love. However, too many expectations may arise when one is to demanding to the other. This can be fixed if you can tell what your limitations are and what you can only do.
•REALISTIC APPROACH OF LOVE
This can be the best thing ever happened to the second marriage. Love must blossom unconditionally with respect. Give and take-this is for the equal releasing of feelings.
•POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK IN LIFE
It may not be perfect at all, but happy in what you have. Do not force yourself in giving just to ensure the happiness on your spouse. You must be contended of the abilities and capabilities of your partner. Encourage your partner in giving his/her best in any other way.
•COMMUNICATING ABOUT FEELINGS
You must be open to what you really feel. Have the time to talk. This can help in keeping the flame alive. Listen to your partner. In listening you get what he/she wants to relate.
•UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING DIFFERENCES
You may not be able to do everything, it’s doesn’t cost you to any problem. Understanding and accepting weaknesses are part of marriage. Humans are not perfect, so they intend to make wrong actions. You must respect the little things he/she made.
•MAKING DECISIONS AND SETTLING ARGUMENTS
These kinds of situations are very crucial. It can make or brake. In making decisions you must tell what you’re thinking. Possibly, accept your partner’s opinion. Settle your arguments in due time. Arguments are really mind busters. This may create gaps in the relationship.
•COMMON SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION AND GOAL
It may be good if both of you believe in the same religion doctrine. It can avoid debates on what are the right beliefs. A dream of a perfect family is one common goal. This can be done if both are very cooperative and serious. It can be a good foundation in the years to come. This can be the guiding force of making a successful relationship.
•COMBINING A FAMILY
What if your new spouse has a child or children in his/her previous marriage? You must know at least step-parenting skills. You are dealing emotions of their new environment. Be a good at them as they are also important to your spouse’s life. Accept them as you accepted your partner. Make them also one of your main priorities.
In committing your life again to someone, make it sure that you are really serious and prepared. Sacrifice and true love must be your agenda as for marriage it’s not taken for granted. So to speak, may your second marriage be a successful and fruitful one.
Best wishes and good luck.
First, you must review the performance you made in your first marriage. You will ask to yourself, how could I be a better spouse? How come our union ended in divorce? What really went wrong? What weaknesses do I still need to work on? There are many questions remained in your first marriage. So you must able to answer first all unending questions before thinking to marry again.
Second, know what you’re really looking for in a partner. Be sure of the character traits you want. Don’t force yourself to settle down just because you’re lonely and in dire need of a companion. Finally, let time answer your questions. Enjoy your freedom, at least for a moment and give yourself much time in finding your potential mate before you say “I do” again.
In entering another chapter in your life, second marriage is a very challenging obligation for you. Many different things will about to change in your everyday life when you finally decided in remarrying again. Freedom of you will be lost again. You must be prepared of the new responsibility you will take and how you take it with readiness.
For marrying the second time around, there are lots of things to consider for making it a successful one. There are many situations you must able to fully understand in order to avoid again differences to your new spouse. These are the following:
•EXPECTATIONS FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
In the beginning of the second marriage, problems will not occur instantly. As to a new couple, you are savouring your new found love. However, too many expectations may arise when one is to demanding to the other. This can be fixed if you can tell what your limitations are and what you can only do.
•REALISTIC APPROACH OF LOVE
This can be the best thing ever happened to the second marriage. Love must blossom unconditionally with respect. Give and take-this is for the equal releasing of feelings.
•POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK IN LIFE
It may not be perfect at all, but happy in what you have. Do not force yourself in giving just to ensure the happiness on your spouse. You must be contended of the abilities and capabilities of your partner. Encourage your partner in giving his/her best in any other way.
•COMMUNICATING ABOUT FEELINGS
You must be open to what you really feel. Have the time to talk. This can help in keeping the flame alive. Listen to your partner. In listening you get what he/she wants to relate.
•UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING DIFFERENCES
You may not be able to do everything, it’s doesn’t cost you to any problem. Understanding and accepting weaknesses are part of marriage. Humans are not perfect, so they intend to make wrong actions. You must respect the little things he/she made.
•MAKING DECISIONS AND SETTLING ARGUMENTS
These kinds of situations are very crucial. It can make or brake. In making decisions you must tell what you’re thinking. Possibly, accept your partner’s opinion. Settle your arguments in due time. Arguments are really mind busters. This may create gaps in the relationship.
•COMMON SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION AND GOAL
It may be good if both of you believe in the same religion doctrine. It can avoid debates on what are the right beliefs. A dream of a perfect family is one common goal. This can be done if both are very cooperative and serious. It can be a good foundation in the years to come. This can be the guiding force of making a successful relationship.
•COMBINING A FAMILY
What if your new spouse has a child or children in his/her previous marriage? You must know at least step-parenting skills. You are dealing emotions of their new environment. Be a good at them as they are also important to your spouse’s life. Accept them as you accepted your partner. Make them also one of your main priorities.
In committing your life again to someone, make it sure that you are really serious and prepared. Sacrifice and true love must be your agenda as for marriage it’s not taken for granted. So to speak, may your second marriage be a successful and fruitful one.
Best wishes and good luck.
Will Counseling Help My Marriage??
An honest marriage counselor would agree that the motivation of a couple may be the single most important factor in determining the success of marriage counseling. It's unlikely that even a brilliant counselor would be able to save a marriage where one spouse has already decided upon a divorce, and a mediocre marriage counselor can probably help a couple who are utterly committed towards making their marriage work. With this in mind, research has been made in an effort to determine, on a more scientific level, the effectiveness of couples counseling.
In an article published by Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family counselors from 15 different states reported on their experience with counseling. The findings indicated that marriage and family counselors treated a wide range of issues in relatively short-term fashion, couple and family therapy are briefer than individual therapy, and that client satisfaction and functional improvement are quite high.
[*] Specifically, of clients from 526 marriage and family counselors in 15 different states:
98.1% rated services good or excellent
97.1% got the kind of help they desired
91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received
93% said they were helped in dealing more effectively with problems
94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future
96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend
97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received
63.4% reported improved physical health
54.8% reported improvement in functioning at work
73.7% indicated improvement in children’s behavior
58.7% showed improvement in children’s school performance
[*] Excerpted from "Clinical Practice Patterns of Marriage and Family Therapists: A National Survey of Therapists and Their Clients", Journal of Marital and Family Therapy--Volume 22, No. 1
While the above study provides raw data that supports the effectiveness of marriage and family counseling, a very interesting discussion on the question "Does Couples Counseling Work" from a public forum devoted to this topic offers a less clinical, but still positive view. Based on what seems to be a very honest and frank discussion among couples "who've been there," the answer to the question of whether or not marriage counseling is effective is a positive one. Read these posts on the Berkley Parents Network.
Regardless of the studies and opinions which seem to support the effectiveness of marriage / couples counseling, there are those who question it's effectiveness. An article on the about.com portal, had this to say:
The science of marital counseling is being studied in great detail these days. Research is showing that it is not as effective as people think, that women seem to get more from it than men, and that it might not have a lasting effect on the couple's marriage.
What type of couple gets the most from couple therapy? The answer is young, non-sexist, still in love, open couples.
Which couples receive the least from therapy? Some factors that can make couple therapy unsuccessful include couples who wait too long before seeking help, and often one or the other is set on getting a divorce and is closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage.
Excerpted from the marriage.about.com portal
Unfortunately, the data supporting the above-mentioned research is not specifically cited in the article. The article seems to imply that couples who seek counseling because they want their relationship to work are more likely to succeed with marriage counseling than are those who enter into counseling with the (perhaps hidden) truth that they already want out.
In an article published by Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family counselors from 15 different states reported on their experience with counseling. The findings indicated that marriage and family counselors treated a wide range of issues in relatively short-term fashion, couple and family therapy are briefer than individual therapy, and that client satisfaction and functional improvement are quite high.
[*] Specifically, of clients from 526 marriage and family counselors in 15 different states:
98.1% rated services good or excellent
97.1% got the kind of help they desired
91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received
93% said they were helped in dealing more effectively with problems
94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future
96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend
97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received
63.4% reported improved physical health
54.8% reported improvement in functioning at work
73.7% indicated improvement in children’s behavior
58.7% showed improvement in children’s school performance
[*] Excerpted from "Clinical Practice Patterns of Marriage and Family Therapists: A National Survey of Therapists and Their Clients", Journal of Marital and Family Therapy--Volume 22, No. 1
While the above study provides raw data that supports the effectiveness of marriage and family counseling, a very interesting discussion on the question "Does Couples Counseling Work" from a public forum devoted to this topic offers a less clinical, but still positive view. Based on what seems to be a very honest and frank discussion among couples "who've been there," the answer to the question of whether or not marriage counseling is effective is a positive one. Read these posts on the Berkley Parents Network.
Regardless of the studies and opinions which seem to support the effectiveness of marriage / couples counseling, there are those who question it's effectiveness. An article on the about.com portal, had this to say:
The science of marital counseling is being studied in great detail these days. Research is showing that it is not as effective as people think, that women seem to get more from it than men, and that it might not have a lasting effect on the couple's marriage.
What type of couple gets the most from couple therapy? The answer is young, non-sexist, still in love, open couples.
Which couples receive the least from therapy? Some factors that can make couple therapy unsuccessful include couples who wait too long before seeking help, and often one or the other is set on getting a divorce and is closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage.
Excerpted from the marriage.about.com portal
Unfortunately, the data supporting the above-mentioned research is not specifically cited in the article. The article seems to imply that couples who seek counseling because they want their relationship to work are more likely to succeed with marriage counseling than are those who enter into counseling with the (perhaps hidden) truth that they already want out.
Caring For Each Other - A Lifelong Partnership
How a marriage changes in character after love disappears? This can occur in many ways. For example, the couple may begin regretting the marriage after the finishing of initial love phase. Or the couple may continue together as a sense of duty with each other and begin making a life together without passionate love. That needs caring for each other.
If you look back and think of marriages few decades back, most of the couples cared for each other. They called it love. It was essentially caring. A mother cares for her children because they are her responsibility and they belong to her. Similarly, partners care for each other because they got married. This kind of thought process can take the marriage last forever. The different thought processes of I want my freedom. I made a mistake. I am not happy with you. I must search for somebody better and so on leads to break-up. This thought process is I centered, where as the earlier one I described was care centered. You are mine and I must care for you.
We have to learn to respect human beings. We have to set aside our selfish desires for some time. We have to think about destruction that takes place by frequent marriage and divorce. Developing the thought of care for each other can surely help in making a marriage last longer.
If you look back and think of marriages few decades back, most of the couples cared for each other. They called it love. It was essentially caring. A mother cares for her children because they are her responsibility and they belong to her. Similarly, partners care for each other because they got married. This kind of thought process can take the marriage last forever. The different thought processes of I want my freedom. I made a mistake. I am not happy with you. I must search for somebody better and so on leads to break-up. This thought process is I centered, where as the earlier one I described was care centered. You are mine and I must care for you.
We have to learn to respect human beings. We have to set aside our selfish desires for some time. We have to think about destruction that takes place by frequent marriage and divorce. Developing the thought of care for each other can surely help in making a marriage last longer.
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