No matter how much freedom you have in your marriage, how flexible the boundaries – you still have to remember that there is now someone else that you must keep 100% in your life-loop! If you’re going to be late from work, you need to make sure your husband/wife knows. If you aren’t going to be home for supper, they need to know. If you aren’t going to be able to get the dry cleaning on the way home, and it’s needed for the next day, they need to know so they can go get it! This is a major life change. At first it feels as if you are back answering to your parents! You may even rebel against the idea. But think about it for a moment. Your husband/wife always walks through the door at 6.52pm – give or take 4 minutes. You have supper waiting on the table. At 7.20pm supper is cold, and they still haven’t arrived. 8.25pm when they walk through the door, you’re halfway through dialing the number for the local hospital because you’re sure something’s happened to them. They smile and apologize for being late but they got caught up in a last minute meeting. No thought to the anguish you’ve been through picturing them hurt or worse! You don’t want to be the one feeling this way, and so make sure you don’t do the same kind of thing to your beloved! Letting your partner know your schedule is a sign of consideration. Of acknowledging that this other person cares about you and will worry if you are not where you’ve said you’ll be at the time you said you’ll be there.
Gone too are the days when you could say “Sure, I’ll come for pizza tonight!” to work colleagues without even thinking about it. First of all you need to call your partner and tell them that this is what you’re planning, and making sure that they’re ok with it. Yes, I know, too bad if they aren’t, but they may have made other plans for the evening that you don’t know about and so it is worth checking first!
Consideration for your new husband or wife is the first and most important aspect of your marriage during the early days because it’s the thing that’s most difficult to adjust too. Is your music too loud? Does your partner want to watch a different channel? Do you take all the blankets in bed? Do you snore? You don’t check these things because you benefit, nor as a partner would you usually complain about them, but you do them because you want your marriage to be a partnership with two equal partners. If you argue about something, find common middle ground. There should be no power struggle if both parties respect each other enough to accept that both people are entitled to hold differing viewpoints. Don’t back down from confrontation, don’t press forward your advantage, be considerate towards each other and negotiate a situation you can both agree to.
In the early weeks and months of marriage, you’ll find many things new and sometimes not exactly the way you thought they’d be, but if both parties add consideration to their menu of love, trust and respect, then married life will soon settle down and you’ll become accustomed to doing things without resentment or obligation. You’ll do them because you want too.
Make My Marriage Happy
Same religion, same church, same circle, and even same school with most interests' common - will these guarantee a happy marriage? What do you think? Before proceeding further it would be proper to talk about happy marriage. What is a happy marriage? I would broadly define happy marriage as one in which the partners like to be with each other, enjoy depending on each other, love each other, and are happy to be with each other. In a happy marriage when a partner meets the other in the evening, he/she will feel genuine joy. They will miss each other when separated for any reason. They like each other, and their love is not only romantic but also friendly. They respect each other as persons and when asked if they could live on an island all alone only with the partner, they would answer yes without hesitation. They don't need other distractions such as friends, kids or television to live with each other in the pretension of happiness.
If you look around, you may be surprised that many marriages are not happy. The marriages still sustain because of the fear of pain of separation. It is not the pleasure of happiness together that binds them but the pain of separation. What would happen to kids? How will I live alone? What about division of assets? The fear of the pain of separation is so massive that unhappy existence together is considered better. Is this good life? No, it is mere existence.
Coming back to the title of this article, what role does the personality of partners play in making a happy marriage? The first requirement that has nothing to do with personality is love. Not the love of the passionate kind that may dies soon but genuine care and affection for each other. The personality traits that contribute may be for example - cleanliness. If the husband believes in extreme cleanliness and the wife does not bother a bit about that, do you think they will be happy with each other? Half of the time they will have arguments about cleanliness. This was only an example. Let us take another example. The wife is of giving type and the husband is a real stingy person. What then? Habits, nature, values, life goals, beliefs, and all such traits that make us a human being are the important role players in making a happy marriage. Emotional makeup plays an equally important role. For example if one partner is quick tempered he/she will make life difficult for the other. Think about all personality traits, emotional make up and find out if there is commonality in all these. Small differences are always ignored because of the love between the couple, but if the difference in personalities is big, love will also get sacrificed. Love that bound them in the beginning will become the first victim of the differences.
If you look around, you may be surprised that many marriages are not happy. The marriages still sustain because of the fear of pain of separation. It is not the pleasure of happiness together that binds them but the pain of separation. What would happen to kids? How will I live alone? What about division of assets? The fear of the pain of separation is so massive that unhappy existence together is considered better. Is this good life? No, it is mere existence.
Coming back to the title of this article, what role does the personality of partners play in making a happy marriage? The first requirement that has nothing to do with personality is love. Not the love of the passionate kind that may dies soon but genuine care and affection for each other. The personality traits that contribute may be for example - cleanliness. If the husband believes in extreme cleanliness and the wife does not bother a bit about that, do you think they will be happy with each other? Half of the time they will have arguments about cleanliness. This was only an example. Let us take another example. The wife is of giving type and the husband is a real stingy person. What then? Habits, nature, values, life goals, beliefs, and all such traits that make us a human being are the important role players in making a happy marriage. Emotional makeup plays an equally important role. For example if one partner is quick tempered he/she will make life difficult for the other. Think about all personality traits, emotional make up and find out if there is commonality in all these. Small differences are always ignored because of the love between the couple, but if the difference in personalities is big, love will also get sacrificed. Love that bound them in the beginning will become the first victim of the differences.
Searching For Marriage Advice
The best person to discuss marriage help with is your spouse. If that just is not possible – either because your spouse is not willing or because there is a chance you might be harmed for trying to talk about your problems and concerns – talk with a trained professional. Visit a counselor or minister to talk about your marriage problems. They are trained to look at situations objectively and know how to maintain your confidentiality.
If you do not have a minister or know a counselor, you can find one discreetly by looking at your local phone book. Search under “counseling” or “marriage counselors” to find several to call. Some communities may even have counseling services free of charge for some situations. If you have a close friend you can confide in, ask if they have heard anything about the counselors you find. At work you can always pull that “a friend of mine is looking for a counselor. Have you heard of any?” trick.
If the advice you receive from the minister or counselor does not strike a chord with you, go somewhere else. That does not mean that if the advice is not what you want to hear, to leave it behind, however. When you seek help for your marriage, you need to be open minded enough to accept that some of the responsibility or blame may be your own.
Remember, the first step to solving any marriage problem is to seek help. If you and your spouse both agree, try going to a counselor together. The professional may prefer to see you individually after an initial meeting with the two of you together. If you are both willing to find marriage help, you will need to be accommodating and adaptable as you work through your problems and the counseling process.
If you do not have a minister or know a counselor, you can find one discreetly by looking at your local phone book. Search under “counseling” or “marriage counselors” to find several to call. Some communities may even have counseling services free of charge for some situations. If you have a close friend you can confide in, ask if they have heard anything about the counselors you find. At work you can always pull that “a friend of mine is looking for a counselor. Have you heard of any?” trick.
If the advice you receive from the minister or counselor does not strike a chord with you, go somewhere else. That does not mean that if the advice is not what you want to hear, to leave it behind, however. When you seek help for your marriage, you need to be open minded enough to accept that some of the responsibility or blame may be your own.
Remember, the first step to solving any marriage problem is to seek help. If you and your spouse both agree, try going to a counselor together. The professional may prefer to see you individually after an initial meeting with the two of you together. If you are both willing to find marriage help, you will need to be accommodating and adaptable as you work through your problems and the counseling process.
Some Great Marriage Advice
A marriage is like a cart on two wheels. Both the partners are the wheels. If one wheel becomes weaker or if the wheels are different in size, the cart stops moving. It is similar with marriage. If one partner over dominates or demands more only for himself/herself, the marriage will suffer. For a marriage to succeed, the partners have to take care of each other's desires, emotions, physical needs and intellectual needs. Both the partners have to support each other to grow and not criticize each other. For example, if a partner knows that his/her spouse is weak in a certain area, it is the duty of the other partner to compensate that and not criticize. Another factor is fear of conflict. Sometimes, the conflicts become so pain giving that partners avoid talking to each other fearing that a conflict may arise. This fear of conflict will kill all communication. Instead what is needed is- healthy communication and peaceful resolution of conflicts in a spirit of give and take. Why should a partner be afraid of talking to other partner in a marriage? That sounds ridiculous, but this is true. This phase spells near death of a marriage. Marriage is a beautiful phase of life. The secret lies in how to carry on for a lifetime.
Is It Time For Marriage Counseling??
Some people look down at the thought of seeking counseling. They feel that a third person could not fix what the two of them couldn't. But getting a fresh perspective from an experienced person may just be the answer.
The Right Time
It would be advisable to start your marriage counseling on an early basis—preferably before you get married or early in the marriage, especially if you sense that the two of you are having communication problems with each other.
Do not treat counseling like a “sealant in the leakage”. Some people have misconceptions that it should only be considered if the situation will lead to divorce. Instead of seeing it in that point of view, it will be better if you will take counseling to enlighten and help you and your husband or wife develop a clear and honest communication and proper handling of your problems once you and your partner get involved in a marriage.
Improve your marriage in its best condition. It will not be good if the two of you will just get a marriage counselor just because you are planning to separate from each other. Instead, let your marriage counselor be your guide in shaping your relationship in the best possible shape there is. Your counselor is not the best solution to your problem—it is both of you that can fix it. It is your commitment and your dedication to the marriage.
The Right Time
It would be advisable to start your marriage counseling on an early basis—preferably before you get married or early in the marriage, especially if you sense that the two of you are having communication problems with each other.
Do not treat counseling like a “sealant in the leakage”. Some people have misconceptions that it should only be considered if the situation will lead to divorce. Instead of seeing it in that point of view, it will be better if you will take counseling to enlighten and help you and your husband or wife develop a clear and honest communication and proper handling of your problems once you and your partner get involved in a marriage.
Improve your marriage in its best condition. It will not be good if the two of you will just get a marriage counselor just because you are planning to separate from each other. Instead, let your marriage counselor be your guide in shaping your relationship in the best possible shape there is. Your counselor is not the best solution to your problem—it is both of you that can fix it. It is your commitment and your dedication to the marriage.
Confide In Your Spouse
Jose and Juanita have been married for 17 years, and basically love each other, yet have been fighting over the same issue almost every night of those years: She likes it cold at night and he likes it warm in their house and bedroom. She had just opened their bedroom windows for the night. When she left to visit the bathroom, she heard Jose follow her and close all the windows.
Let’s eavesdrop to see what we can learn about this fight and what to do about it.
—(curtain up)—
Juanita: (to Jose) "I can’t sleep unless the windows are wide open. You know that, but insist on closing them every night, just so I’ll be miserable. You are selfish and inconsiderate."
Jose: (to Juanita):"This is my house too. Why should I have to freeze? You always get your way. It is so cold in here you could hang meat! Are you trying to get me sick? No NORMAL person would want it this cold!"
(curtain down)
IS THIS A SOLVABLE PROBLEM?
Depends on the specific marriage. For some couples, the solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.
In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily solved—it becomes “perpetual”—and trying to “solve” it only creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this unfortunately was the case.
Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:
(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore—it is about who will win or lose.
(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.
For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.
CONFIDING MAKES THE DIFFERENCE
Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.
This is because now they are speaking from their hearts —combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner)
Juanita (should have said something like):"I feel that I don’t have to put up with this, although I also feel bad that you have to suffer. I tell myself that if you really loved me, you would want me to be comfortable at night.
I also ask myself why should I always give in? I work hard all day too and deserve some consideration. All I’m asking for is a decent night’s sleep, but then, I wonder if I am being too selfish."
Jose (should have said something like):"I do really love you and I want you to be comfortable too, but it gets so cold in here at night for me that I can’t sleep.
We both want a good night’s sleep and want to be able to continue sleeping together in the same room. Let’s find a way to discuss it so it doesn’t make us so angry at each other."
Granted, it is not easy to confide when in the heat of marital battle. Consequently, it is often better to first take a time out, calm down and then communicate what is in your heart. The following communication tips will help:
FOUR COMMUNICATION TIPS
Tip 1- Don’t only focus on the issue. Also discuss your feelings, thoughts, and inner conflicts surrounding the issue. Confide what is going on in both your heart and your mind.
Tip 2- Look at how you communicate with each other ABOUT the issue. Focus on the process of communication.
Tip 3- Give up needing to be right all the time. Wise and successful married people have discovered that often it is preferable to be happy than to be right!
Tip 4- Convey to your partner that you love them enough to want to join them so together you can find a way to deal with the issue or problem.
Let’s eavesdrop to see what we can learn about this fight and what to do about it.
—(curtain up)—
Juanita: (to Jose) "I can’t sleep unless the windows are wide open. You know that, but insist on closing them every night, just so I’ll be miserable. You are selfish and inconsiderate."
Jose: (to Juanita):"This is my house too. Why should I have to freeze? You always get your way. It is so cold in here you could hang meat! Are you trying to get me sick? No NORMAL person would want it this cold!"
(curtain down)
IS THIS A SOLVABLE PROBLEM?
Depends on the specific marriage. For some couples, the solution would be a simple compromise of some sort; for instance, buy a room thermometer and agree to always keep the room at an agreed upon temperature both could live with.
In many marriages, however, a problem like this is not easily solved—it becomes “perpetual”—and trying to “solve” it only creates anger and tension. For Jose and Juanita, this unfortunately was the case.
Why is a simple problem like this not solvable for our couple and in many other marriages? Could be many reasons, but the usual culprits are:
(1) The couple is engaged in a “power” or “control” struggle. This means the fight isn’t about the issue anymore—it is about who will win or lose.
(2) The temperature issue goes deeper and is emotionally tied into other personal or marital issues. If this is the case, the more pressure put on the person to “change,” the more the person resists.
For instance, turns out that Juanita literally panics if in a room without air flow due to issues in her childhood. Depriving her of fresh air flow literally makes her want to fight for her life.
CONFIDING MAKES THE DIFFERENCE
Let’s now listen in on what Jose and Juanita could have said that may have made a HUGE difference in their communication.
This is because now they are speaking from their hearts —combining empathy (seeing things from the viewpoint of the other) with assertive communication (honestly speaking your feelings and thoughts in a forthright manner)
Juanita (should have said something like):"I feel that I don’t have to put up with this, although I also feel bad that you have to suffer. I tell myself that if you really loved me, you would want me to be comfortable at night.
I also ask myself why should I always give in? I work hard all day too and deserve some consideration. All I’m asking for is a decent night’s sleep, but then, I wonder if I am being too selfish."
Jose (should have said something like):"I do really love you and I want you to be comfortable too, but it gets so cold in here at night for me that I can’t sleep.
We both want a good night’s sleep and want to be able to continue sleeping together in the same room. Let’s find a way to discuss it so it doesn’t make us so angry at each other."
Granted, it is not easy to confide when in the heat of marital battle. Consequently, it is often better to first take a time out, calm down and then communicate what is in your heart. The following communication tips will help:
FOUR COMMUNICATION TIPS
Tip 1- Don’t only focus on the issue. Also discuss your feelings, thoughts, and inner conflicts surrounding the issue. Confide what is going on in both your heart and your mind.
Tip 2- Look at how you communicate with each other ABOUT the issue. Focus on the process of communication.
Tip 3- Give up needing to be right all the time. Wise and successful married people have discovered that often it is preferable to be happy than to be right!
Tip 4- Convey to your partner that you love them enough to want to join them so together you can find a way to deal with the issue or problem.
Debt and My Marriage
If you fall behind with your mortgage, you risk foreclosure. This is one bill that you cannot afford to miss, so make it a priority. Food and utilities are also a must, so keep up with these expenses and cut back where you can. If you’ve missed one or more credit card payments, the best way to handle this situation is to call each of your creditors individually and request to be placed on a hardship program. In most cases, this means lower payments and interest for a certain amount of time.
If your situation is more permanent than temporary and you aren’t sure when or if your finances will ever be back to the point that they once were at, you need to consider a more permanent solution to your debt. This may involve debt settlement negotiations with each of your creditors who, in some cases, may be willing to settle for 10-20% of the total balance owed. This is only an option in the most severe of circumstances and when payments have been missed for many months. At this point, the creditor may inform you that your credit will be damaged if you settle a debt but, if excessive payments are or continue to be missed, your credit is already damaged. You can handle the debt settlement negotiations yourself or, in some cases, the creditor will contact you directly with a written offer. If you aren’t comfortable with the process, hire an attorney to help.
In some cases, you may find yourself a little short on the mortgage payment. This is especially true if you are trying to settle your debts. If this happens, you can call the lender who issued your loan and discuss possible options that will bring your account up to date. You may be able to refinance your home, which may lower your monthly payments and possibly even your interest. When it comes to debt, there’s no time to waste. Every payment that is missed or late fee that is added will make you feel as though you are sinking into a pool of quicksand.
Under the best of circumstances, a relationship undergoes plenty of everyday stress. When it comes to money matters, the stress can be even greater. When you start to get a handle on your debt and start to live your life again, both you and your partner will be happier and healthier.
If your situation is more permanent than temporary and you aren’t sure when or if your finances will ever be back to the point that they once were at, you need to consider a more permanent solution to your debt. This may involve debt settlement negotiations with each of your creditors who, in some cases, may be willing to settle for 10-20% of the total balance owed. This is only an option in the most severe of circumstances and when payments have been missed for many months. At this point, the creditor may inform you that your credit will be damaged if you settle a debt but, if excessive payments are or continue to be missed, your credit is already damaged. You can handle the debt settlement negotiations yourself or, in some cases, the creditor will contact you directly with a written offer. If you aren’t comfortable with the process, hire an attorney to help.
In some cases, you may find yourself a little short on the mortgage payment. This is especially true if you are trying to settle your debts. If this happens, you can call the lender who issued your loan and discuss possible options that will bring your account up to date. You may be able to refinance your home, which may lower your monthly payments and possibly even your interest. When it comes to debt, there’s no time to waste. Every payment that is missed or late fee that is added will make you feel as though you are sinking into a pool of quicksand.
Under the best of circumstances, a relationship undergoes plenty of everyday stress. When it comes to money matters, the stress can be even greater. When you start to get a handle on your debt and start to live your life again, both you and your partner will be happier and healthier.
The Best Tips for A Happy and Lasting Marriage
Fighting can be damaging. It involves emotions. When emotions get involved, you may say harmful things that you really dont mean to say, and unfortunately whats done can never be taken back.
As much as possible, avoid getting into a heated argument. A fight can easily damage a marital relationship. The fight may start over an unimportant matter and before you both know it, it soon escalates into an exchange of offensive words.
Always remember the Law of Harvest. Dont continue to sow seeds of you always or you never into your relationship so that you will not reap it. Whatever you focus on and hear over and over again becomes a reality.
Avoid using the following words:
You did it again!
When will you learn?
I cant believe this. I married someone whos not capable of doing things right.
This is such a mess!
Don´t pull out the big gun when argument progresses and emotions rise to the surface for the sake of winning. Don´t try to bring in the past. Let bygones be bygones forever. Stay out of it. Leave it where it belongs. Bringing up the past in an argument can add fuel to the fire. Focus only on the present situation no matter how difficult it is.
In a fight no one really wins because both parties lose the game. This affects closeness of the husband and wife. Gaps arise because of the fight. Your spouse will feel awkward when you are around after the fight. Fighting is really immature regardless of how old you are or how long you have been married. It is only natural for children but not for adults.
Treat your spouse the treatment he or she deserves. Be careful with the words that you use.
As much as possible, avoid getting into a heated argument. A fight can easily damage a marital relationship. The fight may start over an unimportant matter and before you both know it, it soon escalates into an exchange of offensive words.
Always remember the Law of Harvest. Dont continue to sow seeds of you always or you never into your relationship so that you will not reap it. Whatever you focus on and hear over and over again becomes a reality.
Avoid using the following words:
You did it again!
When will you learn?
I cant believe this. I married someone whos not capable of doing things right.
This is such a mess!
Don´t pull out the big gun when argument progresses and emotions rise to the surface for the sake of winning. Don´t try to bring in the past. Let bygones be bygones forever. Stay out of it. Leave it where it belongs. Bringing up the past in an argument can add fuel to the fire. Focus only on the present situation no matter how difficult it is.
In a fight no one really wins because both parties lose the game. This affects closeness of the husband and wife. Gaps arise because of the fight. Your spouse will feel awkward when you are around after the fight. Fighting is really immature regardless of how old you are or how long you have been married. It is only natural for children but not for adults.
Treat your spouse the treatment he or she deserves. Be careful with the words that you use.
Keep Your Marriage Like New
Maybe you should go back to the basics of your relationship, and try to gather back all the things that you need for you to keep your marriage as good as when you were proclaimed newlyweds. First is love. It is the most essential part of a relationship. Let this love bind you once again.
Have your full and endless support for each other. Though some differences may arise on some things that needs a decision, it will be very rewarding if you will support whoever is tasked to make that decision. Respect each other's decision. Be there always for him/her, in achievements and in failure. That support, for sure, will be appreciated.
Have proper communication between the two of you. If your husband or wife committed something that annoys you, talk to him/her. Explain what you feel, and let him/her explain also. Discuss everything—problems, rules—and other things that needs to be discussed. Do not let these problems linger and cause more rift between the two of you.
Show your care for your spouse everyday of your life. Happy couples do show how much they care for each other. Take him/her out for a dinner, or you can serve your spouse whenever they feel tired. Small things can produce large results
Relight the torch that has made your relationship burning. Rediscover what you felt for your life when you weren't married yet. Looking at your marriage in a new light can make it feel new once again.
Have your full and endless support for each other. Though some differences may arise on some things that needs a decision, it will be very rewarding if you will support whoever is tasked to make that decision. Respect each other's decision. Be there always for him/her, in achievements and in failure. That support, for sure, will be appreciated.
Have proper communication between the two of you. If your husband or wife committed something that annoys you, talk to him/her. Explain what you feel, and let him/her explain also. Discuss everything—problems, rules—and other things that needs to be discussed. Do not let these problems linger and cause more rift between the two of you.
Show your care for your spouse everyday of your life. Happy couples do show how much they care for each other. Take him/her out for a dinner, or you can serve your spouse whenever they feel tired. Small things can produce large results
Relight the torch that has made your relationship burning. Rediscover what you felt for your life when you weren't married yet. Looking at your marriage in a new light can make it feel new once again.
Not Satisfied With My Marriage
The dissatisfaction may be many areas. It might be the home they are living in. It may be that the husband does not help the wife in household chores. The husband may complain that the wife is not helping him in growth of his career. It may have to do with difference of views about spending and saving. You will hear complain after complain and may wonder how people stay together with so many complaints?
The dissatisfaction may be emotional. She is not bothered when I am feeling unhappy and she will reply that even he does not bother. Getting physical satisfaction is now a distant dream. Going to places to enjoy with each other is long past. It is watching television at home and somehow killing time. Some people even dread holidays, because they may have to stay with wife all the day. There will be doubts about each other’s friendships and a bundle of complaints about how I am suffering but no one is simply concerned.
Why the communication lines have broken down so badly? Why are spouses not satisfied with each other? It is difficult to say. But this problem can be solved with little effort. Let them sit together and write all their complaints on a paper. Exchange the papers and discuss about everything. Decide that from now onwards, I will try and satisfy you in all the possible ways. If you still have to say something to me, tell me after a month. Give me a month’s time. Keep the talks on through out the month and determine that we will bring back cheer in our life again. We will bring happiness back and become a model couple. This decision itself will change a lot immediately.
The dissatisfaction may be emotional. She is not bothered when I am feeling unhappy and she will reply that even he does not bother. Getting physical satisfaction is now a distant dream. Going to places to enjoy with each other is long past. It is watching television at home and somehow killing time. Some people even dread holidays, because they may have to stay with wife all the day. There will be doubts about each other’s friendships and a bundle of complaints about how I am suffering but no one is simply concerned.
Why the communication lines have broken down so badly? Why are spouses not satisfied with each other? It is difficult to say. But this problem can be solved with little effort. Let them sit together and write all their complaints on a paper. Exchange the papers and discuss about everything. Decide that from now onwards, I will try and satisfy you in all the possible ways. If you still have to say something to me, tell me after a month. Give me a month’s time. Keep the talks on through out the month and determine that we will bring back cheer in our life again. We will bring happiness back and become a model couple. This decision itself will change a lot immediately.
Emergency Tips to Save Your Marriage
How To Save Your Marriage 1
You need to get the communication back. Communication is usually one of the first things that dries up in a problematic marriage, and that in itself leads to a lot of other problems. To help you both communicate more effectively set aside a certain amount of time each day to share with each other. During that time, talk over your days and ask questions of each other. Find out what it is that made you want to communicate with each other to begin with. After a few days of doing this you should find your communication skills are beginning to come back for each other.
How To Save Your Marriage 2
Spend some quality time together. It's a little bit of a cliché, but a nice trip or a few days spent outside your usual relationship area can do wonders for you both. Even better, if you can make trips or activities like this a habit, as it will help you learn how to interact with each other in a fun and loving fashion again. These days it's all too easy to let our communications boil down to the bear minimum, so try not to let this happen.
How To Save Your Marriage 3
Brush up on your listening skills. Sometimes when you get to know someone so well, it's almost as if you feel you no longer need to engage them or listen to them in conversation. If you can become a better listener you can prove to your partner that you are engaged in their life and that you respect their opinions. Is there anyone that doesn't want that? Simply by starting and actively participating in conversations with them you will be strengthening your bond, and you'll notice your partner is more interested in you too.
How To Save Your Marriage 4
Don't let the finance ruin the romance. Life can be very tough when money is an issue in a marriage. Financial problems are often ongoing and unlikely to be solved in short order, so it's a great idea to develop a set of rules for you both. If you both abide to a pre-conceived idea about how you will take care of the finances, the problems and arguments should be minimized.
How To Save Your Marriage 5
Make it fun. A marriage should be in place due to the amount of fun you have had with each other at some point. If you've removed the fun and replaced it with the mundanity of everyday life, how can you possibly expect the marriage to survive? It's an excellent idea to have some activities or hobbies to get involved with together-these can very easily become “your” way to spend time and have fun with each other.
As you've seen, the answer to the question “how to save a marriage?” varies widely from relationship to relationship, but hopefully you will find something of use in this article. Check out the links below for some great marriage advice.
You need to get the communication back. Communication is usually one of the first things that dries up in a problematic marriage, and that in itself leads to a lot of other problems. To help you both communicate more effectively set aside a certain amount of time each day to share with each other. During that time, talk over your days and ask questions of each other. Find out what it is that made you want to communicate with each other to begin with. After a few days of doing this you should find your communication skills are beginning to come back for each other.
How To Save Your Marriage 2
Spend some quality time together. It's a little bit of a cliché, but a nice trip or a few days spent outside your usual relationship area can do wonders for you both. Even better, if you can make trips or activities like this a habit, as it will help you learn how to interact with each other in a fun and loving fashion again. These days it's all too easy to let our communications boil down to the bear minimum, so try not to let this happen.
How To Save Your Marriage 3
Brush up on your listening skills. Sometimes when you get to know someone so well, it's almost as if you feel you no longer need to engage them or listen to them in conversation. If you can become a better listener you can prove to your partner that you are engaged in their life and that you respect their opinions. Is there anyone that doesn't want that? Simply by starting and actively participating in conversations with them you will be strengthening your bond, and you'll notice your partner is more interested in you too.
How To Save Your Marriage 4
Don't let the finance ruin the romance. Life can be very tough when money is an issue in a marriage. Financial problems are often ongoing and unlikely to be solved in short order, so it's a great idea to develop a set of rules for you both. If you both abide to a pre-conceived idea about how you will take care of the finances, the problems and arguments should be minimized.
How To Save Your Marriage 5
Make it fun. A marriage should be in place due to the amount of fun you have had with each other at some point. If you've removed the fun and replaced it with the mundanity of everyday life, how can you possibly expect the marriage to survive? It's an excellent idea to have some activities or hobbies to get involved with together-these can very easily become “your” way to spend time and have fun with each other.
As you've seen, the answer to the question “how to save a marriage?” varies widely from relationship to relationship, but hopefully you will find something of use in this article. Check out the links below for some great marriage advice.
Thinking About Marrying Again?
Before making another step in marrying again, are you ready to experience again the consequences of living again with someone?
First, you must review the performance you made in your first marriage. You will ask to yourself, how could I be a better spouse? How come our union ended in divorce? What really went wrong? What weaknesses do I still need to work on? There are many questions remained in your first marriage. So you must able to answer first all unending questions before thinking to marry again.
Second, know what you’re really looking for in a partner. Be sure of the character traits you want. Don’t force yourself to settle down just because you’re lonely and in dire need of a companion. Finally, let time answer your questions. Enjoy your freedom, at least for a moment and give yourself much time in finding your potential mate before you say “I do” again.
In entering another chapter in your life, second marriage is a very challenging obligation for you. Many different things will about to change in your everyday life when you finally decided in remarrying again. Freedom of you will be lost again. You must be prepared of the new responsibility you will take and how you take it with readiness.
For marrying the second time around, there are lots of things to consider for making it a successful one. There are many situations you must able to fully understand in order to avoid again differences to your new spouse. These are the following:
•EXPECTATIONS FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
In the beginning of the second marriage, problems will not occur instantly. As to a new couple, you are savouring your new found love. However, too many expectations may arise when one is to demanding to the other. This can be fixed if you can tell what your limitations are and what you can only do.
•REALISTIC APPROACH OF LOVE
This can be the best thing ever happened to the second marriage. Love must blossom unconditionally with respect. Give and take-this is for the equal releasing of feelings.
•POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK IN LIFE
It may not be perfect at all, but happy in what you have. Do not force yourself in giving just to ensure the happiness on your spouse. You must be contended of the abilities and capabilities of your partner. Encourage your partner in giving his/her best in any other way.
•COMMUNICATING ABOUT FEELINGS
You must be open to what you really feel. Have the time to talk. This can help in keeping the flame alive. Listen to your partner. In listening you get what he/she wants to relate.
•UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING DIFFERENCES
You may not be able to do everything, it’s doesn’t cost you to any problem. Understanding and accepting weaknesses are part of marriage. Humans are not perfect, so they intend to make wrong actions. You must respect the little things he/she made.
•MAKING DECISIONS AND SETTLING ARGUMENTS
These kinds of situations are very crucial. It can make or brake. In making decisions you must tell what you’re thinking. Possibly, accept your partner’s opinion. Settle your arguments in due time. Arguments are really mind busters. This may create gaps in the relationship.
•COMMON SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION AND GOAL
It may be good if both of you believe in the same religion doctrine. It can avoid debates on what are the right beliefs. A dream of a perfect family is one common goal. This can be done if both are very cooperative and serious. It can be a good foundation in the years to come. This can be the guiding force of making a successful relationship.
•COMBINING A FAMILY
What if your new spouse has a child or children in his/her previous marriage? You must know at least step-parenting skills. You are dealing emotions of their new environment. Be a good at them as they are also important to your spouse’s life. Accept them as you accepted your partner. Make them also one of your main priorities.
In committing your life again to someone, make it sure that you are really serious and prepared. Sacrifice and true love must be your agenda as for marriage it’s not taken for granted. So to speak, may your second marriage be a successful and fruitful one.
Best wishes and good luck.
First, you must review the performance you made in your first marriage. You will ask to yourself, how could I be a better spouse? How come our union ended in divorce? What really went wrong? What weaknesses do I still need to work on? There are many questions remained in your first marriage. So you must able to answer first all unending questions before thinking to marry again.
Second, know what you’re really looking for in a partner. Be sure of the character traits you want. Don’t force yourself to settle down just because you’re lonely and in dire need of a companion. Finally, let time answer your questions. Enjoy your freedom, at least for a moment and give yourself much time in finding your potential mate before you say “I do” again.
In entering another chapter in your life, second marriage is a very challenging obligation for you. Many different things will about to change in your everyday life when you finally decided in remarrying again. Freedom of you will be lost again. You must be prepared of the new responsibility you will take and how you take it with readiness.
For marrying the second time around, there are lots of things to consider for making it a successful one. There are many situations you must able to fully understand in order to avoid again differences to your new spouse. These are the following:
•EXPECTATIONS FOR A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
In the beginning of the second marriage, problems will not occur instantly. As to a new couple, you are savouring your new found love. However, too many expectations may arise when one is to demanding to the other. This can be fixed if you can tell what your limitations are and what you can only do.
•REALISTIC APPROACH OF LOVE
This can be the best thing ever happened to the second marriage. Love must blossom unconditionally with respect. Give and take-this is for the equal releasing of feelings.
•POSITIVE ATTITUDE AND OUTLOOK IN LIFE
It may not be perfect at all, but happy in what you have. Do not force yourself in giving just to ensure the happiness on your spouse. You must be contended of the abilities and capabilities of your partner. Encourage your partner in giving his/her best in any other way.
•COMMUNICATING ABOUT FEELINGS
You must be open to what you really feel. Have the time to talk. This can help in keeping the flame alive. Listen to your partner. In listening you get what he/she wants to relate.
•UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING DIFFERENCES
You may not be able to do everything, it’s doesn’t cost you to any problem. Understanding and accepting weaknesses are part of marriage. Humans are not perfect, so they intend to make wrong actions. You must respect the little things he/she made.
•MAKING DECISIONS AND SETTLING ARGUMENTS
These kinds of situations are very crucial. It can make or brake. In making decisions you must tell what you’re thinking. Possibly, accept your partner’s opinion. Settle your arguments in due time. Arguments are really mind busters. This may create gaps in the relationship.
•COMMON SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION AND GOAL
It may be good if both of you believe in the same religion doctrine. It can avoid debates on what are the right beliefs. A dream of a perfect family is one common goal. This can be done if both are very cooperative and serious. It can be a good foundation in the years to come. This can be the guiding force of making a successful relationship.
•COMBINING A FAMILY
What if your new spouse has a child or children in his/her previous marriage? You must know at least step-parenting skills. You are dealing emotions of their new environment. Be a good at them as they are also important to your spouse’s life. Accept them as you accepted your partner. Make them also one of your main priorities.
In committing your life again to someone, make it sure that you are really serious and prepared. Sacrifice and true love must be your agenda as for marriage it’s not taken for granted. So to speak, may your second marriage be a successful and fruitful one.
Best wishes and good luck.
Will Counseling Help My Marriage??
An honest marriage counselor would agree that the motivation of a couple may be the single most important factor in determining the success of marriage counseling. It's unlikely that even a brilliant counselor would be able to save a marriage where one spouse has already decided upon a divorce, and a mediocre marriage counselor can probably help a couple who are utterly committed towards making their marriage work. With this in mind, research has been made in an effort to determine, on a more scientific level, the effectiveness of couples counseling.
In an article published by Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family counselors from 15 different states reported on their experience with counseling. The findings indicated that marriage and family counselors treated a wide range of issues in relatively short-term fashion, couple and family therapy are briefer than individual therapy, and that client satisfaction and functional improvement are quite high.
[*] Specifically, of clients from 526 marriage and family counselors in 15 different states:
98.1% rated services good or excellent
97.1% got the kind of help they desired
91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received
93% said they were helped in dealing more effectively with problems
94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future
96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend
97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received
63.4% reported improved physical health
54.8% reported improvement in functioning at work
73.7% indicated improvement in children’s behavior
58.7% showed improvement in children’s school performance
[*] Excerpted from "Clinical Practice Patterns of Marriage and Family Therapists: A National Survey of Therapists and Their Clients", Journal of Marital and Family Therapy--Volume 22, No. 1
While the above study provides raw data that supports the effectiveness of marriage and family counseling, a very interesting discussion on the question "Does Couples Counseling Work" from a public forum devoted to this topic offers a less clinical, but still positive view. Based on what seems to be a very honest and frank discussion among couples "who've been there," the answer to the question of whether or not marriage counseling is effective is a positive one. Read these posts on the Berkley Parents Network.
Regardless of the studies and opinions which seem to support the effectiveness of marriage / couples counseling, there are those who question it's effectiveness. An article on the about.com portal, had this to say:
The science of marital counseling is being studied in great detail these days. Research is showing that it is not as effective as people think, that women seem to get more from it than men, and that it might not have a lasting effect on the couple's marriage.
What type of couple gets the most from couple therapy? The answer is young, non-sexist, still in love, open couples.
Which couples receive the least from therapy? Some factors that can make couple therapy unsuccessful include couples who wait too long before seeking help, and often one or the other is set on getting a divorce and is closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage.
Excerpted from the marriage.about.com portal
Unfortunately, the data supporting the above-mentioned research is not specifically cited in the article. The article seems to imply that couples who seek counseling because they want their relationship to work are more likely to succeed with marriage counseling than are those who enter into counseling with the (perhaps hidden) truth that they already want out.
In an article published by Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family counselors from 15 different states reported on their experience with counseling. The findings indicated that marriage and family counselors treated a wide range of issues in relatively short-term fashion, couple and family therapy are briefer than individual therapy, and that client satisfaction and functional improvement are quite high.
[*] Specifically, of clients from 526 marriage and family counselors in 15 different states:
98.1% rated services good or excellent
97.1% got the kind of help they desired
91.2% were satisfied with the amount of help they received
93% said they were helped in dealing more effectively with problems
94.3% would return to the same therapist in the future
96.9% would recommend their therapist to a friend
97.4% were generally satisfied with the service they received
63.4% reported improved physical health
54.8% reported improvement in functioning at work
73.7% indicated improvement in children’s behavior
58.7% showed improvement in children’s school performance
[*] Excerpted from "Clinical Practice Patterns of Marriage and Family Therapists: A National Survey of Therapists and Their Clients", Journal of Marital and Family Therapy--Volume 22, No. 1
While the above study provides raw data that supports the effectiveness of marriage and family counseling, a very interesting discussion on the question "Does Couples Counseling Work" from a public forum devoted to this topic offers a less clinical, but still positive view. Based on what seems to be a very honest and frank discussion among couples "who've been there," the answer to the question of whether or not marriage counseling is effective is a positive one. Read these posts on the Berkley Parents Network.
Regardless of the studies and opinions which seem to support the effectiveness of marriage / couples counseling, there are those who question it's effectiveness. An article on the about.com portal, had this to say:
The science of marital counseling is being studied in great detail these days. Research is showing that it is not as effective as people think, that women seem to get more from it than men, and that it might not have a lasting effect on the couple's marriage.
What type of couple gets the most from couple therapy? The answer is young, non-sexist, still in love, open couples.
Which couples receive the least from therapy? Some factors that can make couple therapy unsuccessful include couples who wait too long before seeking help, and often one or the other is set on getting a divorce and is closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage.
Excerpted from the marriage.about.com portal
Unfortunately, the data supporting the above-mentioned research is not specifically cited in the article. The article seems to imply that couples who seek counseling because they want their relationship to work are more likely to succeed with marriage counseling than are those who enter into counseling with the (perhaps hidden) truth that they already want out.
Caring For Each Other - A Lifelong Partnership
How a marriage changes in character after love disappears? This can occur in many ways. For example, the couple may begin regretting the marriage after the finishing of initial love phase. Or the couple may continue together as a sense of duty with each other and begin making a life together without passionate love. That needs caring for each other.
If you look back and think of marriages few decades back, most of the couples cared for each other. They called it love. It was essentially caring. A mother cares for her children because they are her responsibility and they belong to her. Similarly, partners care for each other because they got married. This kind of thought process can take the marriage last forever. The different thought processes of I want my freedom. I made a mistake. I am not happy with you. I must search for somebody better and so on leads to break-up. This thought process is I centered, where as the earlier one I described was care centered. You are mine and I must care for you.
We have to learn to respect human beings. We have to set aside our selfish desires for some time. We have to think about destruction that takes place by frequent marriage and divorce. Developing the thought of care for each other can surely help in making a marriage last longer.
If you look back and think of marriages few decades back, most of the couples cared for each other. They called it love. It was essentially caring. A mother cares for her children because they are her responsibility and they belong to her. Similarly, partners care for each other because they got married. This kind of thought process can take the marriage last forever. The different thought processes of I want my freedom. I made a mistake. I am not happy with you. I must search for somebody better and so on leads to break-up. This thought process is I centered, where as the earlier one I described was care centered. You are mine and I must care for you.
We have to learn to respect human beings. We have to set aside our selfish desires for some time. We have to think about destruction that takes place by frequent marriage and divorce. Developing the thought of care for each other can surely help in making a marriage last longer.
Can My Marriage Survive an Infidelity??
And infidelity in a relationship based on such love can be shattering. Nothing can fix that first fine careless rupture. Trust is ruptured forever. It's a betrayal that leaves you feeling painfully inadequate.
You look back through the prism of time and realise how wonderfully didactic you were in your youth! At 25, black and white could never co-exist. But then, life happens. And you realise that grey exists, and it is often a zone that needs far more maturity and understanding to inhabit than you ever dreamt.
When you've been married nearly 27 years, the first lesson you learn is that marriage is a relationship which, like human beings themselves, is constantly morphing and evolving. It's an equation where the variables change the answers constantly. People sometimes lead married lives together with infidelity between them. Children, autumn love, companionship allow such relationships to survive.
But at the end of the day, it's really what you want from your marriage and partner. You can survive infidelity (don't we survive everything?), but that's the right word, isn't it? Survive. If you want more, you have to sacrifice something. That my friend, is the nature of the beast.
You look back through the prism of time and realise how wonderfully didactic you were in your youth! At 25, black and white could never co-exist. But then, life happens. And you realise that grey exists, and it is often a zone that needs far more maturity and understanding to inhabit than you ever dreamt.
When you've been married nearly 27 years, the first lesson you learn is that marriage is a relationship which, like human beings themselves, is constantly morphing and evolving. It's an equation where the variables change the answers constantly. People sometimes lead married lives together with infidelity between them. Children, autumn love, companionship allow such relationships to survive.
But at the end of the day, it's really what you want from your marriage and partner. You can survive infidelity (don't we survive everything?), but that's the right word, isn't it? Survive. If you want more, you have to sacrifice something. That my friend, is the nature of the beast.
Am I Being Emotionally Abused??
Emotional abuse may leave deep scars on the psyche. In emotional abuse the perpetrator withholds all the emotional satisfaction from the victim. The self-dignity of the victim is bruised repeatedly and he/she is shown as a lesser person. Emotional abuse can take many forms. Devaluing the person is one such abuse. Giving no value to a person's intelligence and opinion, and repeatedly questioning his/her intelligence is one such abuse.
Public humiliation of a person is another kind of this abuse. To make someone feel inferior and laugh at him/her and make others join the fun is another form of emotional abuse. Feeling of safety is our emotional need. to make a person feel unsafe is another way of victimization. Threatening to leave that person alone without any help and terrorizing him/her is one such form.
Taking away financial freedom, making the person totally dependent on the abuser is another common abuse. Lack of money can stop the victim from enjoying some pleasures. Some abusers even withdraw the use of communication instruments such as telephone etc from the victim.
Emotional abuse can take many other such forms. these abusers are sadists who enjoy degrading a human being and destroying their emotional freedom. This is a crime against humanity. If you are undergoing the slightest emotional; abuse, please protest and protect yourself.
Public humiliation of a person is another kind of this abuse. To make someone feel inferior and laugh at him/her and make others join the fun is another form of emotional abuse. Feeling of safety is our emotional need. to make a person feel unsafe is another way of victimization. Threatening to leave that person alone without any help and terrorizing him/her is one such form.
Taking away financial freedom, making the person totally dependent on the abuser is another common abuse. Lack of money can stop the victim from enjoying some pleasures. Some abusers even withdraw the use of communication instruments such as telephone etc from the victim.
Emotional abuse can take many other such forms. these abusers are sadists who enjoy degrading a human being and destroying their emotional freedom. This is a crime against humanity. If you are undergoing the slightest emotional; abuse, please protest and protect yourself.
How to Get Free Marriage Advice
One way to seek help is to ask advice from marriage counselors. They are considered the doctors in terms of marriage problems. As you know, marriage is very important especially when there are kids in the family. So it is important to hold on to the relationship.
One among though things to handle is marriage. If a problem arises between the couple, at least one should be concern about how to solve it. One should seek the solution and one among the most effective solution is to seek for advices from the marriage counselors.
It is good for someone in the relationship to be educated about how marriages are handled. One way to educate self is by attending the sessions about marriages. You can also open up you problems so the counselors will give you advices on how you can handle your marriage problem well. You should only listen carefully so you would know how to deal with it correctly.
Marriage counseling is a form of confrontation where in the topic is all about marriage. it is normal for couple to experience difficulties in marriages, this is why counselors are willing to help them with their concerns. Counselors can be a good help to these couples by listening to their problems and giving out advices in which the couple should follow in order to maintain a good and harmonious relationship.
You should also take into consideration the credentials and qualifications of the marriage counselors that you are going to relay your problems on. Of course, to convey trust you must know the background of your counselors. From this you will know that the counselor you will be handing over your problems are professional and will sure help you with your marriage problems.
You can also look for counselors that give free marriages advices. There are many marriage counselors online can help you with your concern but will not ask anything from you.
The online marriage counselors will also discuss to you the different traditional arguments about marriage. if you cannot afford to pay for a therapist, you can use online marriage counseling to solve your problems with marriage. the only problem with this is the lack of live activities.
Online marriage counseling is very new in the net, so regulation should be established first. However, it can be a great help for those who want to seek for help but do not have much budget to spend. Everyone with marriage problems can log on to the particular site and seek help.
Counseling is one of the effective ways to save marriages. Free online marriage counseling is made available for you so you do not have to worry about paying dollars on therapist just to help you seek solutions to your marriage problem. The important thing is the self involvement. You should have faith and be patience to live a happy married life.
One among though things to handle is marriage. If a problem arises between the couple, at least one should be concern about how to solve it. One should seek the solution and one among the most effective solution is to seek for advices from the marriage counselors.
It is good for someone in the relationship to be educated about how marriages are handled. One way to educate self is by attending the sessions about marriages. You can also open up you problems so the counselors will give you advices on how you can handle your marriage problem well. You should only listen carefully so you would know how to deal with it correctly.
Marriage counseling is a form of confrontation where in the topic is all about marriage. it is normal for couple to experience difficulties in marriages, this is why counselors are willing to help them with their concerns. Counselors can be a good help to these couples by listening to their problems and giving out advices in which the couple should follow in order to maintain a good and harmonious relationship.
You should also take into consideration the credentials and qualifications of the marriage counselors that you are going to relay your problems on. Of course, to convey trust you must know the background of your counselors. From this you will know that the counselor you will be handing over your problems are professional and will sure help you with your marriage problems.
You can also look for counselors that give free marriages advices. There are many marriage counselors online can help you with your concern but will not ask anything from you.
The online marriage counselors will also discuss to you the different traditional arguments about marriage. if you cannot afford to pay for a therapist, you can use online marriage counseling to solve your problems with marriage. the only problem with this is the lack of live activities.
Online marriage counseling is very new in the net, so regulation should be established first. However, it can be a great help for those who want to seek for help but do not have much budget to spend. Everyone with marriage problems can log on to the particular site and seek help.
Counseling is one of the effective ways to save marriages. Free online marriage counseling is made available for you so you do not have to worry about paying dollars on therapist just to help you seek solutions to your marriage problem. The important thing is the self involvement. You should have faith and be patience to live a happy married life.
Neglect is a Common Problem
I used to know a couple who spent most of their life apart. He worked nights and she worked days. She enjoyed spending the money that night shifts generated, loved new clothes, new cars and all the little luxuries a comfortable life style brings but hated her partner being tired when he was at home. They were between a rock and a hard place with him knowing that if he gave up nights bang went the luxuries and more than likely bye bye wife but if he carried on working nights and striving for promotion he was dead in the water anyway. What a choice. Needless to say they never reached a compromise, she wasn’t willing to wait for the promotion and a return to day shifts, so they are no longer married.
Working excessively long hours, travelling a lot and constantly leading separate lives is bound to put a strain on your relationship and it has proven to be a real relationship killer, a common marriage problem that is prolific in the ‘career’ society. Just look at the number people that are addicted to long unsociable working hours and then see how many of them are still married.
I’ve only ever met a handful of couples who are truly comfortable with, at best, a weekend relationship and these are couples that have learned and are happy to live independent lives. The problem in their relationships will come when the long hours and travelling comes to an end and they have to learn to live with each other 24/7.
How many partners spend their whole life at work, rarely seeing their children and having little time for their spouse? Their partners so often feel neglected, crave adult company, and as time goes on, the neglected partner’s cries go on ignored the relationship begins to wither and fade and the couple tend to grow apart.
When children are involved it is even more difficult with just one partner having to make sure they are around. That they are the ones there in the mornings and there in the evenings and that they alone have to revolve their whole lives around children and school. Again this pressure on one partner is all too common, a marriage problem that seems to be ignored by spouses who tend to avoid their responsibilities under the misguided understanding that their partners can and are happy to cope.
Those early years, when your children are growing up are very special and are years that can never be recaptured. They aren’t years that should just pass you by at your desk under the false impression that next time your child wants you it will be different, you just need to clear this project and then the next and then the next….. It’s never any different.
Children struggle with the concept of work being more important than them and what is going on in their lives. They are too young to understand the concept that their parent is just short sighted, perhaps confused as to what should take priority in their lives. Money doesn’t mean much to a child.
When work takes over your life, no matter what you best intentions are, if your vision isn’t understand and accepted by your family and they aren’t 100% behind you all of the way they will learn to resent the time you spend at your desk rather than with them. They will feel abandoned, unwanted and unloved.
If you want to revolve your life around a work driven environment you must make sure that that your partner has the same all consuming driving ambition. If either one in a relationship feels that work has taken over the family life it is time to sit down and discuss what is important in to you both. Consider the issues, understand the feelings on both sides, think about the children and work out what is best for the individuals, the relationship and the family as a whole.
Catch this common marriage problem before it develops into something more serious don’t loose your family over something you probably will learn to regret, save your marriage before it’s too late.
Working excessively long hours, travelling a lot and constantly leading separate lives is bound to put a strain on your relationship and it has proven to be a real relationship killer, a common marriage problem that is prolific in the ‘career’ society. Just look at the number people that are addicted to long unsociable working hours and then see how many of them are still married.
I’ve only ever met a handful of couples who are truly comfortable with, at best, a weekend relationship and these are couples that have learned and are happy to live independent lives. The problem in their relationships will come when the long hours and travelling comes to an end and they have to learn to live with each other 24/7.
How many partners spend their whole life at work, rarely seeing their children and having little time for their spouse? Their partners so often feel neglected, crave adult company, and as time goes on, the neglected partner’s cries go on ignored the relationship begins to wither and fade and the couple tend to grow apart.
When children are involved it is even more difficult with just one partner having to make sure they are around. That they are the ones there in the mornings and there in the evenings and that they alone have to revolve their whole lives around children and school. Again this pressure on one partner is all too common, a marriage problem that seems to be ignored by spouses who tend to avoid their responsibilities under the misguided understanding that their partners can and are happy to cope.
Those early years, when your children are growing up are very special and are years that can never be recaptured. They aren’t years that should just pass you by at your desk under the false impression that next time your child wants you it will be different, you just need to clear this project and then the next and then the next….. It’s never any different.
Children struggle with the concept of work being more important than them and what is going on in their lives. They are too young to understand the concept that their parent is just short sighted, perhaps confused as to what should take priority in their lives. Money doesn’t mean much to a child.
When work takes over your life, no matter what you best intentions are, if your vision isn’t understand and accepted by your family and they aren’t 100% behind you all of the way they will learn to resent the time you spend at your desk rather than with them. They will feel abandoned, unwanted and unloved.
If you want to revolve your life around a work driven environment you must make sure that that your partner has the same all consuming driving ambition. If either one in a relationship feels that work has taken over the family life it is time to sit down and discuss what is important in to you both. Consider the issues, understand the feelings on both sides, think about the children and work out what is best for the individuals, the relationship and the family as a whole.
Catch this common marriage problem before it develops into something more serious don’t loose your family over something you probably will learn to regret, save your marriage before it’s too late.
My Partner is Having an Emotional Affair
What can you specifically do to increase the odds of saving the marriage?
So often the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to “win her back.”
He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face. Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to her family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions… daily, sometimes hourly. He is on her like a fly on doo-doo.
It doesn’t work.Why? Well, for one reason she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found “love.”
At a deeper level this is confusing enough for the cheating husband or cheating wife. Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to close the door on the marriage even further. Plus, she is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices her and blows around her.
If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can help her in ways she really seeks.
She also is liable to create a polarity and begin comparing you to him. With your neediness dripping all over you, you don’t stand a very good chance of coming out on top. Sorry!
Here’s a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It’s called “back off!”
Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent – most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain!
Remember, this “in love” state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course.
She needs the space. She needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within. There will be a voice within her that says, “This will not last. Is this what I really want? At some time I must live in the real world. Where is this taking me? Is this where I really want to go? Why am I so dependent on him? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I’m not with him? What does this say about me?”
This is her opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don’t get in her way.
I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.
At this point with those I coach, I teach them a skill called "charging neutral" to help "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you gain more confidence in you – apart from what she does with him – that you build a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm.
This is your opportunity to grow to another level.
Oh, by the way. She will notice! And….she might like it.
Backing off does not mean that you don’t have anything to do with her. Quite the contrary. You want to maintain your contact with her, but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts her with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage.
So often the offended spouse reacts with intense feelings and pulls out all stops to “win her back.”
He applies pressure. Begs. Cajoles. Makes promises. Gets in her face. Sends flowers. Arranges for dates. Talks to her family and friends. Calls her on the phone. Asks questions… daily, sometimes hourly. He is on her like a fly on doo-doo.
It doesn’t work.Why? Well, for one reason she has found all the stimulation and excitement she supposedly needs in her new found “love.”
At a deeper level this is confusing enough for the cheating husband or cheating wife. Any additional input will be overwhelming and she is liable to close the door on the marriage even further. Plus, she is really looking for some stability, some solid centered core that will hold her firm when the wind of drama entices her and blows around her.
If you bombard her with your neediness, you are certainly not the person who can help her in ways she really seeks.
She also is liable to create a polarity and begin comparing you to him. With your neediness dripping all over you, you don’t stand a very good chance of coming out on top. Sorry!
Here’s a tactic that helps solve the dilemma and gives you a greater chance of saving the marriage.It’s called “back off!”
Stop pressing. Slow down the pace. Be silent – most of the time. Stop making requests. Stop asking questions. Stop trying to wiggle out some assurance. Stop being a pain!
Remember, this “in love” state will fade. You need to have the confidence that it will. You need patience. The relationship will run its course.
She needs the space. She needs some quiet moments to truly hear herself and face the emptiness within. There will be a voice within her that says, “This will not last. Is this what I really want? At some time I must live in the real world. Where is this taking me? Is this where I really want to go? Why am I so dependent on him? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach when I’m not with him? What does this say about me?”
This is her opportunity to learn about TRUE love. Don’t get in her way.
I know. I know. This is easier said than done. But, you must do it. It is vitally important that you learn to quiet yourself, control yourself and keep on the straight and narrow path.
At this point with those I coach, I teach them a skill called "charging neutral" to help "back off." Use that skill.This will take some effort. It might take some coaching or therapy. It most likely will demand that you get to know yourself better, that you gain more confidence in you – apart from what she does with him – that you build a strong foundation under yourself that can weather any storm.
This is your opportunity to grow to another level.
Oh, by the way. She will notice! And….she might like it.
Backing off does not mean that you don’t have anything to do with her. Quite the contrary. You want to maintain your contact with her, but it will be QUALITY contact. It will be contact that does honor to you, confronts her with the reality of her decisions and works toward resolution for the marriage.
Jealousy in Your Marriage
As much as we would like to deny it, most people struggle with jealous emotions at some point in their lives and, in marriage, it is a one of those common marriage problems that can develop from feelings of insecurity or neglect.
We now live in a society where marriages are often as a result of a second, a fifth or any number of relationships and are, in many cases, second or subsequent marriages. This is just society as we now know it but it can leave spouses insecure, especially when a previous partner is still around, and particularly in the case when children are involved.
People can enter into marriages with so much previous baggage that it often hard to settle into a secure, trusting environment full of self worth and self-belief.
Marital jealousy develops from numerous situations and no matter how much you try and tell yourself there is no need for concern your mind just doesn’t listen and all the while your partner continues with the behaviour that is instilling the feeling of insecurity throughout your very soul.
• Some people are natural flirts who draw the opposite sex like magnets, which, once the ring is on the finger, leaves partners totally insecure and just waiting for the moment when they are dumped for the next person that comes along. The partner who flirts often has no idea what impact their actions have on their relationship. They don’t actually believe that they are doing anything wrongs but perceive their actions to be friendly and not harmful.
• No one could ever be accused of being unnecessarily jealous in the case of infidelity beyond which, if the marriage survives (and in many instances they do), strong measures need to be put in place to enable the cheated partner come to trust their partner again and control the feeling of jealousy.
• Following the break up of a marriage children need to feel that the split isn’t as a result of anything that they have done. This leaves parents over protective, desperate to make amends for one parent environment and often at the expense of new relationships.
• Another of the common marriage problems is that husbands feel neglected when a new baby arrives no matter how much they wanted the child in the first place. A baby’s mere existence is totally life changing with more attention towards the child and a complete ‘nose dive’ in marital relations. With the bond between mother and child being that much closer it can leave fathers feeling neglected, unwanted and a total spare part.
With friends of mine the jealousy actually worked the other way with the wife feeling totally trapped after the birth of their first child and her husband spending all his time looking after the baby. She just yearned for the life they had prior to children when they enjoyed a good social life and spent all their free time together.
• Too much time at work can leave your partner feeling very insecure, especially when your hours at work increase and you spend less and less time at home for the sake of your family but if we think about it is it really for the sake of the family…..
People get fixated on their goals and have no concept on how this is perceived or how it impacts on their relationship and their family life.
Without the 100% backing of both parties, long hours and continuous travel can prove to be a real relationship killer and, if left unchecked, one of those common marriage problems from which there is no return.
The list is endless and jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing, it’s strong indication that you really care. The main thing we need to remember is not to let the jealousy consume, arouse fury and become destructive.
If you are suffering from feelings of jealousy look at the cause, question your feelings and determine whether they have any foundation. Is your partner actually doing anything wrong, have they really done anything to drive your jealous emotions or have you just let your emotions spiral out of control.
If the fault is on your side, learning to recognise the fact is the first step towards controlling such an emotional and destructive thought process. It allows you to discuss your fears with your partner, explain how you feel and seek there help in enabling you to over come your jealous emotions, strengthen your marriage and build a more solid foundation for the future.
Communication is the foundation to marital success. If you can learn to communicate then you can express your emotions in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory, understanding and supportive environment.
Don’t just blurt your fears out such as ‘I think you are having an affair’ it might not be true and it will just add fuel to the fire. Explain that something seems to have changed in your relationship, explain what has changed and what makes you think your marriage is different, don’t blame, don’t get emotional just explain to your spouse what is going through your head and seek their help in trying to sort it out.
One of the most common marriage problems is expecting our partners to always know what we want and how we feel. But even with a ring on our finger we aren’t always mind readers, if we haven’t communicated our feelings and our partner doesn’t know they have, in our eyes, done something wrong, how do we expect them to do anything about it!
Tell them now, save your marriage before its too late. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Even if the answer isn’t what you want to hear knowledge is power and with knowledge comes the ability to turn your life around.
We now live in a society where marriages are often as a result of a second, a fifth or any number of relationships and are, in many cases, second or subsequent marriages. This is just society as we now know it but it can leave spouses insecure, especially when a previous partner is still around, and particularly in the case when children are involved.
People can enter into marriages with so much previous baggage that it often hard to settle into a secure, trusting environment full of self worth and self-belief.
Marital jealousy develops from numerous situations and no matter how much you try and tell yourself there is no need for concern your mind just doesn’t listen and all the while your partner continues with the behaviour that is instilling the feeling of insecurity throughout your very soul.
• Some people are natural flirts who draw the opposite sex like magnets, which, once the ring is on the finger, leaves partners totally insecure and just waiting for the moment when they are dumped for the next person that comes along. The partner who flirts often has no idea what impact their actions have on their relationship. They don’t actually believe that they are doing anything wrongs but perceive their actions to be friendly and not harmful.
• No one could ever be accused of being unnecessarily jealous in the case of infidelity beyond which, if the marriage survives (and in many instances they do), strong measures need to be put in place to enable the cheated partner come to trust their partner again and control the feeling of jealousy.
• Following the break up of a marriage children need to feel that the split isn’t as a result of anything that they have done. This leaves parents over protective, desperate to make amends for one parent environment and often at the expense of new relationships.
• Another of the common marriage problems is that husbands feel neglected when a new baby arrives no matter how much they wanted the child in the first place. A baby’s mere existence is totally life changing with more attention towards the child and a complete ‘nose dive’ in marital relations. With the bond between mother and child being that much closer it can leave fathers feeling neglected, unwanted and a total spare part.
With friends of mine the jealousy actually worked the other way with the wife feeling totally trapped after the birth of their first child and her husband spending all his time looking after the baby. She just yearned for the life they had prior to children when they enjoyed a good social life and spent all their free time together.
• Too much time at work can leave your partner feeling very insecure, especially when your hours at work increase and you spend less and less time at home for the sake of your family but if we think about it is it really for the sake of the family…..
People get fixated on their goals and have no concept on how this is perceived or how it impacts on their relationship and their family life.
Without the 100% backing of both parties, long hours and continuous travel can prove to be a real relationship killer and, if left unchecked, one of those common marriage problems from which there is no return.
The list is endless and jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing, it’s strong indication that you really care. The main thing we need to remember is not to let the jealousy consume, arouse fury and become destructive.
If you are suffering from feelings of jealousy look at the cause, question your feelings and determine whether they have any foundation. Is your partner actually doing anything wrong, have they really done anything to drive your jealous emotions or have you just let your emotions spiral out of control.
If the fault is on your side, learning to recognise the fact is the first step towards controlling such an emotional and destructive thought process. It allows you to discuss your fears with your partner, explain how you feel and seek there help in enabling you to over come your jealous emotions, strengthen your marriage and build a more solid foundation for the future.
Communication is the foundation to marital success. If you can learn to communicate then you can express your emotions in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory, understanding and supportive environment.
Don’t just blurt your fears out such as ‘I think you are having an affair’ it might not be true and it will just add fuel to the fire. Explain that something seems to have changed in your relationship, explain what has changed and what makes you think your marriage is different, don’t blame, don’t get emotional just explain to your spouse what is going through your head and seek their help in trying to sort it out.
One of the most common marriage problems is expecting our partners to always know what we want and how we feel. But even with a ring on our finger we aren’t always mind readers, if we haven’t communicated our feelings and our partner doesn’t know they have, in our eyes, done something wrong, how do we expect them to do anything about it!
Tell them now, save your marriage before its too late. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Even if the answer isn’t what you want to hear knowledge is power and with knowledge comes the ability to turn your life around.
Communication is the Key to a Successful Marriage
Aside from financial trouble, infidelity, and problems with the in-laws, many marriages suffer from the simple lack of communication. Like Meredith and Ralph, many couples fail to resolve their problems early on. As a result, couples grow further apart and are left to struggle with their respective anger and frustration. Instead of speaking with each other as adults, many couples resort to withdrawal or the “silent treatment.” In many cases, couples have already formed the way they communicate based on how their own parents communicated with each other. A person who grew up with parents who constantly fight has the tendency to be argumentative too. A person who was raised by parents who ignored each other whenever they had problems may have the tendency to ignore his partner and his own problems in marriage.
It is said that it takes two to tango and it takes two to argue. But many marriages end up in separation or divorce precisely because the couple even evades quarrels and just chooses to ignore their problem. With mutual “silent treatment,” a couple denies their own opportunity to discuss and hopefully resolve their problem. And when they do talk, the couples would often just exchange accusations and even hurl invectives at one another.
Many women complain that men are so cold, indifferent, and insensitive to their needs and to the issues that affect their relationship. They say that men spend too much time at the office and neglect their duties as husband and father. Women feel angry when men go home only to spend time in front of the t.v. or go out to have drinking sprees with their friends. Men, on the other hand, complain that women are so boisterous, jealous, and nag all the time.
So, how can men and women in marriage deal with their marital problems? The first step that couples should take is to improve the way how they communicate with each other. Shown below are some of the ways how couples can improve their communication skills in marriage:
10 Ways to Communicate Effectively
1. No name calling and don't make any threats.
2. Don't interrupt when your spouse is still speaking.
3. Don't dominate the discussion and stay on the same topic or issue at hand.
4. Listen and pay attention to what the other is saying.
5. Respect each other and be prepared to make changes in the way you think, feel, and behave.
6. Avoid mentioning or bringing up past mistakes and old resentments.
7. Don't assume too much that you know what your spouse is thinking or feeling.
8. Don't presume that you're always “right” in any argument.
9. Try to meet half-way or compromise.
10. Be honest and acknowledge the validity and importance of each other feelings.
Many couples forget that simple affirmation or small acts of love and kindness can do wonders for their marriage. A warm hug or attentively listening to your spouse can bring back a semblance of peace, love, and respect in your relationship. Indeed, one of the keys to a lasting marriage is effective communication. Given enough time and lots of patience, any couple on the rocks can revive their marriage. It just takes a lot of listening and kind words to make your marriage a real match made in heaven.
It is said that it takes two to tango and it takes two to argue. But many marriages end up in separation or divorce precisely because the couple even evades quarrels and just chooses to ignore their problem. With mutual “silent treatment,” a couple denies their own opportunity to discuss and hopefully resolve their problem. And when they do talk, the couples would often just exchange accusations and even hurl invectives at one another.
Many women complain that men are so cold, indifferent, and insensitive to their needs and to the issues that affect their relationship. They say that men spend too much time at the office and neglect their duties as husband and father. Women feel angry when men go home only to spend time in front of the t.v. or go out to have drinking sprees with their friends. Men, on the other hand, complain that women are so boisterous, jealous, and nag all the time.
So, how can men and women in marriage deal with their marital problems? The first step that couples should take is to improve the way how they communicate with each other. Shown below are some of the ways how couples can improve their communication skills in marriage:
10 Ways to Communicate Effectively
1. No name calling and don't make any threats.
2. Don't interrupt when your spouse is still speaking.
3. Don't dominate the discussion and stay on the same topic or issue at hand.
4. Listen and pay attention to what the other is saying.
5. Respect each other and be prepared to make changes in the way you think, feel, and behave.
6. Avoid mentioning or bringing up past mistakes and old resentments.
7. Don't assume too much that you know what your spouse is thinking or feeling.
8. Don't presume that you're always “right” in any argument.
9. Try to meet half-way or compromise.
10. Be honest and acknowledge the validity and importance of each other feelings.
Many couples forget that simple affirmation or small acts of love and kindness can do wonders for their marriage. A warm hug or attentively listening to your spouse can bring back a semblance of peace, love, and respect in your relationship. Indeed, one of the keys to a lasting marriage is effective communication. Given enough time and lots of patience, any couple on the rocks can revive their marriage. It just takes a lot of listening and kind words to make your marriage a real match made in heaven.
Finding Marriage Help Online??
Use your favorite search engine and type in the words “marriage help.” You’ll find a plethora of sites offering information, articles, and other resources. Using the Internet as an initial search for marriage help may bring some matters to your attention that you had not thought of previously. Maybe you are married to an alcoholic and did not know there were Al-anon and Al-ateen meetings in your area until you found them listed online.
While the Internet can be a good source of information, make sure you research your problem and verify the abilities and credentials of anyone who offers marriage advice. It’s like any other business you might do online. You just need to be a smart, well informed consumer.
Be cautious of paying anyone who poses as an online counselor. Before spending any money on products or services “guaranteed” to help your marriage, do the necessary research into the company who is making the promises. For instance, if a person says he or she is a counselor in a particular state, make the extra step and investigate his or her qualifications and verify whether the counselor is currently licenses. If you are having marriage problems, the last thing you want is to take advice from someone not licensed to give you advice.
If you can identify specific problems you are having in your marriage, do a search for those online. You will find specific information related to your specific problem. The Internet is a great place to learn about assistance available to victims of domestic abuse, alcohol and drug abuse and many other situations that can be helpful as you search for marriage help.
Just remember to be a smart consumer. Read all you can about your particular issues and marriage problems. Knowledge is power and you must be strong to work through the relationship issues you are having with your spouse.
While the Internet can be a good source of information, make sure you research your problem and verify the abilities and credentials of anyone who offers marriage advice. It’s like any other business you might do online. You just need to be a smart, well informed consumer.
Be cautious of paying anyone who poses as an online counselor. Before spending any money on products or services “guaranteed” to help your marriage, do the necessary research into the company who is making the promises. For instance, if a person says he or she is a counselor in a particular state, make the extra step and investigate his or her qualifications and verify whether the counselor is currently licenses. If you are having marriage problems, the last thing you want is to take advice from someone not licensed to give you advice.
If you can identify specific problems you are having in your marriage, do a search for those online. You will find specific information related to your specific problem. The Internet is a great place to learn about assistance available to victims of domestic abuse, alcohol and drug abuse and many other situations that can be helpful as you search for marriage help.
Just remember to be a smart consumer. Read all you can about your particular issues and marriage problems. Knowledge is power and you must be strong to work through the relationship issues you are having with your spouse.
Stress is Hurting My Marriage
Talk with your spouse on a daily basis. Communication with one another will prevent any misunderstandings on certain issues. When a problem does come up, discuss your feelings and view points to the other person. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.
Do not take anything for granted in your marriage. Small misunderstandings can become bigger problems in the future. Keep a look out for any red flags in your marriage and confront them before they become bigger issues.
Work with one another. Being in a marriage is like being on a team. Each member must do his or her own part. One person cannot do everything. Work with your spouse in maintaining your marriage.
Try to see things in your spouse’s point of view. This will help you to see where the other person is coming from which will increase your understanding of the situation. Don’t assume that you are the one who has all the answers.
Seek the services of a marriage counselor if you can’t resolve your problems. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. Maintaining a marriage is very difficult so it is important to get additional advice from an experienced professional. Many people seek the services of a marriage counselor nowadays.
Marriage requires a lot of work, however the most important thing is to talk with one another on a regular basis and to confront problems before they become major obstacles in your marriage. This will help reduce a lot of your stresses in your marriage.
Do not take anything for granted in your marriage. Small misunderstandings can become bigger problems in the future. Keep a look out for any red flags in your marriage and confront them before they become bigger issues.
Work with one another. Being in a marriage is like being on a team. Each member must do his or her own part. One person cannot do everything. Work with your spouse in maintaining your marriage.
Try to see things in your spouse’s point of view. This will help you to see where the other person is coming from which will increase your understanding of the situation. Don’t assume that you are the one who has all the answers.
Seek the services of a marriage counselor if you can’t resolve your problems. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. Maintaining a marriage is very difficult so it is important to get additional advice from an experienced professional. Many people seek the services of a marriage counselor nowadays.
Marriage requires a lot of work, however the most important thing is to talk with one another on a regular basis and to confront problems before they become major obstacles in your marriage. This will help reduce a lot of your stresses in your marriage.
How Healthy is My Relationship??
The best relationships are friendships that catch fire. How well do you know your partner and their view of the world? Answer the following questions to find out.
1. I understand my partner’s philosophies about life.
Yes No
2. I consider my partner to be my very best friend.
Yes No
3. We often touch and kiss for no particular reason.
Yes No
4. I call my partner several times a day.
Yes No
5. I understand my partner’s dreams for the future.
Yes No
6. We find our sex life is fun and satisfying.
Yes No
7. We touch base everyday about how our day is going.
Yes No
8. If I have a problem, I talk with my partner.
Yes No
9. We have scheduled activities that we look forward to.
Yes No
10. We have similar values and goals.
Yes No
11. I think that my partner has high integrity.
Yes No
12. I can’t wait to get home at the end of the day.
Yes No
13. We have favorite traditions for many of the holidays.
Yes No
14. I feel that my partner respects me.
Yes No
15. We enjoy many of the same activities.
Yes No
16. My partner understands my family.
Yes No
17. My partner makes me laugh.
Yes No
How many “Yes” answers did you have?
15 or more: You have a strong relationship built on friendship.
9-14: You have a good base but additional work will enhance your relationship. This is a good time to utilize additional tools.
8 or fewer: Get busy or you and your partner risk drifting apart.
1. I understand my partner’s philosophies about life.
Yes No
2. I consider my partner to be my very best friend.
Yes No
3. We often touch and kiss for no particular reason.
Yes No
4. I call my partner several times a day.
Yes No
5. I understand my partner’s dreams for the future.
Yes No
6. We find our sex life is fun and satisfying.
Yes No
7. We touch base everyday about how our day is going.
Yes No
8. If I have a problem, I talk with my partner.
Yes No
9. We have scheduled activities that we look forward to.
Yes No
10. We have similar values and goals.
Yes No
11. I think that my partner has high integrity.
Yes No
12. I can’t wait to get home at the end of the day.
Yes No
13. We have favorite traditions for many of the holidays.
Yes No
14. I feel that my partner respects me.
Yes No
15. We enjoy many of the same activities.
Yes No
16. My partner understands my family.
Yes No
17. My partner makes me laugh.
Yes No
How many “Yes” answers did you have?
15 or more: You have a strong relationship built on friendship.
9-14: You have a good base but additional work will enhance your relationship. This is a good time to utilize additional tools.
8 or fewer: Get busy or you and your partner risk drifting apart.
How to Prevent Affairs in My Marriage
Affairs are, unfortunately, one of the biggest reasons for separation and divorce these days. That is why it is a good idea to understand what you can do today to help affair-proof your marriage in the years to come. Sometimes, an affair might have already come between you and your spouse. This does not mean that you cannot take steps to keep it from happening again.
Growth is one vital element of marriage that many people take for granted. A constant sense of growth needs to be present in any marriage. If it’s not, one partner may feel like they are moving forward and their spouse is not, which often creates a wall between them. They feel as if they are worlds apart, or not on the same track as far as growth. Be sure to take time each day for growth within your relationship. Make a commitment to do one thing each day that will benefit your marriage, no matter how small it may be. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship if you feel you’ve gotten off track.
Communication is a key in any successful relationship. If you are having problems, turn towards your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.
Certain things in your marriage should be guarded like a hawk. There are things that should be held in high value in a marriage, and kept sacred.
• Time – The way you spend your time should be guarded in respect toward your marriage and family. Where are you spending your time? Ask your partner if they need more time with you. Time with your partner should be set aside and kept in high regards. Respect the time you spend with your partner.
• Mind – What occupies your mind? Is your spouse often present in your mind? Do you think good thoughts about them? Evaluate what is on your mind, and put your marriage in there if it’s not already.
• Energy – Where you are putting your energy, especially everyday, is important to your marriage. Where are you putting your energy? Is your energy invested in your marriage, your family, or in less important events in life? Evaluate your energy, and make sure that there is a reasonable balance between activity, work, marriage, and family.
Finally, set a Formula for Success. Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so that you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate them. Don’t let resentment build.
Growth is one vital element of marriage that many people take for granted. A constant sense of growth needs to be present in any marriage. If it’s not, one partner may feel like they are moving forward and their spouse is not, which often creates a wall between them. They feel as if they are worlds apart, or not on the same track as far as growth. Be sure to take time each day for growth within your relationship. Make a commitment to do one thing each day that will benefit your marriage, no matter how small it may be. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship if you feel you’ve gotten off track.
Communication is a key in any successful relationship. If you are having problems, turn towards your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.
Certain things in your marriage should be guarded like a hawk. There are things that should be held in high value in a marriage, and kept sacred.
• Time – The way you spend your time should be guarded in respect toward your marriage and family. Where are you spending your time? Ask your partner if they need more time with you. Time with your partner should be set aside and kept in high regards. Respect the time you spend with your partner.
• Mind – What occupies your mind? Is your spouse often present in your mind? Do you think good thoughts about them? Evaluate what is on your mind, and put your marriage in there if it’s not already.
• Energy – Where you are putting your energy, especially everyday, is important to your marriage. Where are you putting your energy? Is your energy invested in your marriage, your family, or in less important events in life? Evaluate your energy, and make sure that there is a reasonable balance between activity, work, marriage, and family.
Finally, set a Formula for Success. Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so that you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate them. Don’t let resentment build.
Seven Ways to Spice Up My Marriage Today
Q. My marriage is getting pretty dull. My husband and I are going through a low point where everything seems to be pretty boring. What are some things that we can do to spice up our marriage?
D.M.
A. First of all know that every marriage goes through it's high and low points. You guys are just in a natural part of the cycle. With that said, here are a few suggestions to make your marriage a little more interesting.
1) Stop complaining about the state of your union. Create an action plan for change and write it down. It’s okay if you’re the only one willing to spice things up at first. In time you’ll find that your spouse will be receptive to the changes you’ve made, especially if you don’t point out your changes or nag your spouse about changing.
2) I can’t say it enough, turn off the T.V. at least 30-45 minutes a day and spend time with each other. No distractions.
3) Date each other as if you weren’t married. Dress up, wear make up, cologne/perfume. Recreate your early years. Meet each other on site and pretend as though you’re meeting for the first time—or have your partner pick you up from work or home. The whole idea is to go all out.
4) Do nice things for each other. Completing chores around the house that your spouse hates doing is a great place to start.
5) Make a point to have a “second” honeymoon at least once a year. Any time from three days to two weeks is good. Even if you can’t get away, you can make a paradise at home. Make work take a back seat, and get someone to watch the kids (and even your pets). The point is to spend your focus on each other for a few days.
6) Live each day as though it were your last. Make sure you say the things you want to say to your spouse today and do the things you want to do for your spouse today. Don’t hold back a good word or a good deed when you know it can do a wonder for your relationship.
7) Take care of yourself. This tip is probably the most important. Make sure that your spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical batteries are charged. If you need to spend some time doing a hobby, visiting with some friends, or pampering yourself, do it! So long as your “me” time is in moderation, you’ll feel a lot healthier, and your relationship will reflect it.
D.M.
A. First of all know that every marriage goes through it's high and low points. You guys are just in a natural part of the cycle. With that said, here are a few suggestions to make your marriage a little more interesting.
1) Stop complaining about the state of your union. Create an action plan for change and write it down. It’s okay if you’re the only one willing to spice things up at first. In time you’ll find that your spouse will be receptive to the changes you’ve made, especially if you don’t point out your changes or nag your spouse about changing.
2) I can’t say it enough, turn off the T.V. at least 30-45 minutes a day and spend time with each other. No distractions.
3) Date each other as if you weren’t married. Dress up, wear make up, cologne/perfume. Recreate your early years. Meet each other on site and pretend as though you’re meeting for the first time—or have your partner pick you up from work or home. The whole idea is to go all out.
4) Do nice things for each other. Completing chores around the house that your spouse hates doing is a great place to start.
5) Make a point to have a “second” honeymoon at least once a year. Any time from three days to two weeks is good. Even if you can’t get away, you can make a paradise at home. Make work take a back seat, and get someone to watch the kids (and even your pets). The point is to spend your focus on each other for a few days.
6) Live each day as though it were your last. Make sure you say the things you want to say to your spouse today and do the things you want to do for your spouse today. Don’t hold back a good word or a good deed when you know it can do a wonder for your relationship.
7) Take care of yourself. This tip is probably the most important. Make sure that your spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical batteries are charged. If you need to spend some time doing a hobby, visiting with some friends, or pampering yourself, do it! So long as your “me” time is in moderation, you’ll feel a lot healthier, and your relationship will reflect it.
How to Create A Successful Marriage
The basic element of “being one” in marriage is companionship. Like friends, couples need to be open with each other about their interests, dreams and goals.
It is difficult for a married couple to deal with certain problems when there are no common goals established. Goals enable the couple to realize that they are not competing against each other, and help them to work together and support one another.
Married couples should cooperate and work towards these dreams and goals with all dedication and devotion. Do not give up if you and your spouses goals appear to be too different. Talk and recognize that you both have needs, and try to set goals that will enable both sets of needs to be satisfied. Often, as you share your dreams, you will discover that in fact you both have similar dreams and goals; it was just the direction that you each wanted to take was different. This difference of direction can then be dealt with as you talk.
Often when you take time to communicate with each other regarding your needs and motivations, you will be surprised to learn that you both have identical dreams and goals. This is likely to be what drew you together in the first place.
So what types of goals should you set? Goals can center on your children, the family as a whole, your individual careers, your possessions and your pastimes.
The following are guidelines to better understand and relate with your partner's goals:
1. Know your spouse. Pay close attention to his or her habits and values.
2. Bond and respond. Whatever that goes on within your spouse’s life, in his/her career, you know that there are dreams and goals in each aspect. So be sensitive and take part; worry and celebrate in his/her accomplishments.
3. Let your spouse influence you. Be willing to share in his/her decisions. Understand his/her goals and when you do not agree at some point, at least support him or her..
4.Compromise. When your goals do not exactly match, know when to put the brakes if you feel that the conversation is becoming confrontational. Be calm and tolerant.
When you both have strong appreciation and understanding of all your dreams and goals you become closer together as a married couple, it makes married life a lot more pleasant and easier to handle. After all, you are partners in life.
It is difficult for a married couple to deal with certain problems when there are no common goals established. Goals enable the couple to realize that they are not competing against each other, and help them to work together and support one another.
Married couples should cooperate and work towards these dreams and goals with all dedication and devotion. Do not give up if you and your spouses goals appear to be too different. Talk and recognize that you both have needs, and try to set goals that will enable both sets of needs to be satisfied. Often, as you share your dreams, you will discover that in fact you both have similar dreams and goals; it was just the direction that you each wanted to take was different. This difference of direction can then be dealt with as you talk.
Often when you take time to communicate with each other regarding your needs and motivations, you will be surprised to learn that you both have identical dreams and goals. This is likely to be what drew you together in the first place.
So what types of goals should you set? Goals can center on your children, the family as a whole, your individual careers, your possessions and your pastimes.
The following are guidelines to better understand and relate with your partner's goals:
1. Know your spouse. Pay close attention to his or her habits and values.
2. Bond and respond. Whatever that goes on within your spouse’s life, in his/her career, you know that there are dreams and goals in each aspect. So be sensitive and take part; worry and celebrate in his/her accomplishments.
3. Let your spouse influence you. Be willing to share in his/her decisions. Understand his/her goals and when you do not agree at some point, at least support him or her..
4.Compromise. When your goals do not exactly match, know when to put the brakes if you feel that the conversation is becoming confrontational. Be calm and tolerant.
When you both have strong appreciation and understanding of all your dreams and goals you become closer together as a married couple, it makes married life a lot more pleasant and easier to handle. After all, you are partners in life.
How to Keep My Marriage Hot
The decision of getting married should be given multiple thinking over. Although you love a person and has deep devotion and loyalty, a lot of changes happen while inside a marriage that can change the way a person feels for one another.
The key is to keep the marriage exciting at all times. Every relationship has space for improvement. Improving your marriage is something each and every married person should strive for. If you keep your marriage from becoming predictable and monotonous you give a reason for you and your partner something to look forward to and get excited about.
Each partner should be open to changes. Learn to experiment and accept those changes. Being adventurous both in your daily activities and in the bed room will keep the relationship young. Learn to accept your partner even through his or her changes. The person you married is not the same one that he or she is now or next year and the years after. People change, and if those changes do not affect your vows try to be accepting and flexible.
Role playing can be a great idea to keep the relationship fresh. This could not be counted as cheating so do not be jealous. Although you may play games wherein you imagine the person is a different one, you still both know deep inside that it is your partner. Having an open mind can improve your marriage a whole lot.
The key is to keep the marriage exciting at all times. Every relationship has space for improvement. Improving your marriage is something each and every married person should strive for. If you keep your marriage from becoming predictable and monotonous you give a reason for you and your partner something to look forward to and get excited about.
Each partner should be open to changes. Learn to experiment and accept those changes. Being adventurous both in your daily activities and in the bed room will keep the relationship young. Learn to accept your partner even through his or her changes. The person you married is not the same one that he or she is now or next year and the years after. People change, and if those changes do not affect your vows try to be accepting and flexible.
Role playing can be a great idea to keep the relationship fresh. This could not be counted as cheating so do not be jealous. Although you may play games wherein you imagine the person is a different one, you still both know deep inside that it is your partner. Having an open mind can improve your marriage a whole lot.
Am I Dependent on my Marriage??
Marriage is the best form of companionship designed by mankind. After marriage a person is assured of at least one friend for life. Marriage gives some assurance that one will have a companion through thick and thin till the end. We cannot call our other friendships and relations so dependable. That is why marriage is important. All this was certainly true, few decades ago. Is it so even now? How far are you dependent on your marriage to derive satisfaction and peace in life?
Now let us examine some personalities. For my first example I will take a man/woman who is career oriented. For whom nothing matters other than the career and achievements in the work place. What kind of married life will such a person have? One can assume that such a person will not be very dependent upon married relationship. Such a person will not undergo an unbearable shock if marriage breaks.
Take another example of a person who has a large group of friends and socially networks very well. Attends all the functions, parties and celebrations thrown by friends. If someone is a typical social animal that thrives in a group of friends and invents reasons for gatherings, will he/she depend on the married life for happiness? Such people are not highly dependent on their married life for happiness. Their attitude is different.
On the other hand, let us take an example of a person who is introvert and likes to remain with and shares more time with family. Such a person is a devoted family person and may get devastated if separated or after the death of spouse.
All of us derive different pleasures with different relationships. Our priorities vary. Our value system varies. Because of these differences in our personalities, marriage may or may not play a very important role in every ones life.
Now let us examine some personalities. For my first example I will take a man/woman who is career oriented. For whom nothing matters other than the career and achievements in the work place. What kind of married life will such a person have? One can assume that such a person will not be very dependent upon married relationship. Such a person will not undergo an unbearable shock if marriage breaks.
Take another example of a person who has a large group of friends and socially networks very well. Attends all the functions, parties and celebrations thrown by friends. If someone is a typical social animal that thrives in a group of friends and invents reasons for gatherings, will he/she depend on the married life for happiness? Such people are not highly dependent on their married life for happiness. Their attitude is different.
On the other hand, let us take an example of a person who is introvert and likes to remain with and shares more time with family. Such a person is a devoted family person and may get devastated if separated or after the death of spouse.
All of us derive different pleasures with different relationships. Our priorities vary. Our value system varies. Because of these differences in our personalities, marriage may or may not play a very important role in every ones life.
Complacement is a Common Marriage Problem
It is so easy to fall into a daily routine, fuelled by responsibilities and just forget what relationships are all about. With so much to do each day, and without the need to plan to meet each other, relationships tend to be pushed to the back, treated as something that doesn’t need to be attended to and left to just bumble along.
Often we fail to make time for our partners and when we do, it’s often some stolen moments at the end of a long hard day when we lack the energy to show how much we love and appreciate each other and are just too tired to have any fun.
When spouses begin to feel neglected they often start with the subtle plea, a gentle reminder that they feel that they aren’t important any more, that they feel unloved, undervalued and that another of those common marriage problems, boredom with the daily routine has set in. And so the rot begins……
It is all too easy to brush aside their pleas, just assume that they know you love them, expect them to understand that you are tired, believe that they will understand that you don’t have the time and all too soon forget the initial signs that the marriage is in trouble.
If you continue to ignore the early unrest it can seem a clear indication to your partner that life is more important than they are. It won’t matter that you are getting stick at work or that the children need ferrying around or that other responsibilities are getting in the way, they will just see this big neon sign saying ‘you don’t love me any more’, you don’t want to save your marriage, no advice, no gentle nudge, no subtle plea is going to make a difference.
It is critical that no matter what life throws at us we show that we value our partners, and our relationships, every day of our lives. Common marriage problems such as complacency, boredom, jealousy, lack of trust and even infidelity just creep up on us, out of nowhere, and without us making an effort what we craved, what we worked for and what we have enjoyed can crumble away before our very eyes.
All it takes is those small gestures, nothing fancy, nothing time consuming, nothing expensive just small and thoughtful little gestures that show love, respect and affection for each other. An indication that we still appreciate our marriage, our relationship and the life we have together.
If you want to save your marriage, my advice is make your spouse your top priority, let them see that they are valuable and precious, and that above all they and their feelings come first.
Compliments should be regular, not a thing of the past and not something that you believe is no longer required. Make sure your spouse knows that you appreciate them, respect them, love them and admire then and above all make sure that they know that you want to be with them.
Ensure that you spend time together and relax, enjoy and appreciate each others company. Don’t loose those intimate moments no matter how hard it is. Touch hands when passing, hold hands when you walk, kiss each other hello and goodbye, make time for a cuddle every day and never loose the excitement of the fleeting glance and the odd caress. If you fail to keep that bond between you your relationship will start to slide and before you know it what was once a loving marriage will become an empty shell.
Complacency is a very true and common marriage problem, don’t assume it won’t happen to you and don’t assume that you know each other so well that you don’t need to make an effort. Some marriages take more work than others but all marriages need nurturing to survive.
Often we fail to make time for our partners and when we do, it’s often some stolen moments at the end of a long hard day when we lack the energy to show how much we love and appreciate each other and are just too tired to have any fun.
When spouses begin to feel neglected they often start with the subtle plea, a gentle reminder that they feel that they aren’t important any more, that they feel unloved, undervalued and that another of those common marriage problems, boredom with the daily routine has set in. And so the rot begins……
It is all too easy to brush aside their pleas, just assume that they know you love them, expect them to understand that you are tired, believe that they will understand that you don’t have the time and all too soon forget the initial signs that the marriage is in trouble.
If you continue to ignore the early unrest it can seem a clear indication to your partner that life is more important than they are. It won’t matter that you are getting stick at work or that the children need ferrying around or that other responsibilities are getting in the way, they will just see this big neon sign saying ‘you don’t love me any more’, you don’t want to save your marriage, no advice, no gentle nudge, no subtle plea is going to make a difference.
It is critical that no matter what life throws at us we show that we value our partners, and our relationships, every day of our lives. Common marriage problems such as complacency, boredom, jealousy, lack of trust and even infidelity just creep up on us, out of nowhere, and without us making an effort what we craved, what we worked for and what we have enjoyed can crumble away before our very eyes.
All it takes is those small gestures, nothing fancy, nothing time consuming, nothing expensive just small and thoughtful little gestures that show love, respect and affection for each other. An indication that we still appreciate our marriage, our relationship and the life we have together.
If you want to save your marriage, my advice is make your spouse your top priority, let them see that they are valuable and precious, and that above all they and their feelings come first.
Compliments should be regular, not a thing of the past and not something that you believe is no longer required. Make sure your spouse knows that you appreciate them, respect them, love them and admire then and above all make sure that they know that you want to be with them.
Ensure that you spend time together and relax, enjoy and appreciate each others company. Don’t loose those intimate moments no matter how hard it is. Touch hands when passing, hold hands when you walk, kiss each other hello and goodbye, make time for a cuddle every day and never loose the excitement of the fleeting glance and the odd caress. If you fail to keep that bond between you your relationship will start to slide and before you know it what was once a loving marriage will become an empty shell.
Complacency is a very true and common marriage problem, don’t assume it won’t happen to you and don’t assume that you know each other so well that you don’t need to make an effort. Some marriages take more work than others but all marriages need nurturing to survive.
Marriage and Astrology
For most normal human beings, marriage is a sacred institution. It means the union of two hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. It is often said that “marriages are made in heaven”. Well, could be very much true. But for all practical purposes, it is essential to find the right match for a man or a woman. Astrology can help do just that. Astrology plays a big part in finding the right matrimonial alliance. With the help of astrological predictions, the compatibility of a couple can be ascertained. This practice of matching horoscopes of would be brides and grooms are quite common among the Hindus in India. Marriages almost never happen here without horoscope matching. Astrologers also determine the ideal time and date of the marriage. Horoscopes of the prospective brides and grooms tell a lot about the past, present and future. Horoscope matching also guides the astrologer on the dates to be avoided. There are some periods in which influence of some planets like Saturn is quite strong. These periods may not be ideal for solemnization of a marriage. Marriages solemnized in these “bad patches” may not last long, or may be shaky. So, we can say astrology can be used to avoid future “break-ups” or divorces. Matrimonial matching by horoscopes requires a few important documents. First of all, the horoscopes of both the bride and the bridegroom are analyzed. Then some crucial information such as the date of birth, time of birth and place of birth, of both the man and the woman are collected. There are various permutations and combinations to be done to match the horoscopes. The influences of the motions of the planets at the time of birth are analyzed. This gives a rough idea to the astrologer whether the couple is compatible or not. It is not mandatory that the horoscopes of the bride and the groom need to match perfectly. Sometimes marriages are possible in the case minor differences between the boy and the girl. But in such cases, some corrective measures, as suggested by the astrologers have to be taken before the solemnization of the marriage.
It has been observed that the success rates of marriages are higher in cases where horoscope matching is done. Critics may have a different opinion regarding this. But they too cannot totally disprove the fact that Astrology is effective when it comes to marriages. The scientists may say that Astrology has no scientific basis. But that does not take the credit away from the practice of horoscope matching that is prevalent in India.
It has been observed that the success rates of marriages are higher in cases where horoscope matching is done. Critics may have a different opinion regarding this. But they too cannot totally disprove the fact that Astrology is effective when it comes to marriages. The scientists may say that Astrology has no scientific basis. But that does not take the credit away from the practice of horoscope matching that is prevalent in India.
Is My Marriage Really Over??
It's a fact. There are a lot of people who feel unhappy in their marriage. But the real question many of them are asking themselves is, how do I know when my marriage is really over?
Is it when your spouse says, "I don't love you anymore?" Is it after an affair takes place? How do you REALLY know? Keep reading to find out how to identify the warning signs that often indicate your spouse has given up on your marriage.
First and Foremost: Has your spouse reached The Point of No Return?
What is the Point of No Return in a marriage? Is there such a thing? After working with couples for over 11 years, I've identified a specific "path" that couples travel on the way to divorce. And at the end of this path is what I call...The Point of No Return.
But I'm getting ahead of myself...let me back up for a second.
In most cases, your marriage is NOT over when:
- Your spouse moves out
- When your spouse says the infamous, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore"
- When your spouse threatens you with divorce
And believe it or not, in some cases, your marriage is NOT even over when...your spouse files for divorce.
Your marriage is NOT over when your spouse begs, pleads, argues, screams, storms out of the house or turns the whole family against you.
Quite the contrary, The Point of No Return in a marriage IS confirmed when your spouse looks at you as if s/he were dead.
There is no life in your spouse's voice and no life in his/her eyes. Your spouse doesn't get angry with you. S/he simply tells you when the divorce papers are going to be served. S/he's already gone to the court house, found an attorney and has a service date set for the divorce proceedings.
Your marriage is most likely over when your spouse has made complete lists of assets and debts with your both of your names on them. Your spouse has already decided on the custody plan and cleaned out any bank accounts with their name and yours and closed all the credit cards that you share.
Your spouse has reached The Point of No Return when s/he already knows the courts require a 120 day waiting period and s/he has emotionally bolted him/herself in place for the long wait.
You've gone WAY beyond an "unhappy marriage" when your spouse has talked many times to the children about divorce and they are now either scared, angry, hurt, confused or emotionally shut down.
There's a good chance your marriage is over when your spouse doesn't care about how your children feel about it. S/he is only acting for his/her own survival at this point and s/he has repeatedly convinced him/herself that "The kids are good, they'll be fine." S/he may have even said that to friends and relatives.
This is the REAL Point of No Return. I've found that when your spouse has reached the Point of No Return, no one can save your marriage at this point. Not a priest, pastor or marriage counselor.
So How Did this Happen?
A marriage gets to this point because we live in a society that is convinced that once you are married, there is nothing you need to learn about marriage and nothing you need to practice.
All you need is love.
If you don't have love, then it's all your fault that your marriage failed. Because of this belief, you kept on doing exactly what you always did...your version of love.
You treated your spouse the same way your father treated your mother...or vice versa. You kept on doing the same thing and kept on getting the same results.
Your spouse could not help you to help him/her. No matter how many times s/he told you how to meet his/her needs, you couldn't hear...you just couldn't understand.
How do I know this?
I know it because every single divorce is built on the same system. When your emotional needs are not met in a marriage, anywhere from 1-3 of the situations listed below will begin to take place in your marriage.
Because you know virtually nothing about how to be married and how to support each other's needs, you have no way to stop these issues from happening:
- Affair
- Sex failure
- Communication break down
- No Loyalty
- In-Law problems
- Grew apart
- Fell out of love
- Blended family issues
- Abusive attitudes
- Depression
- Angry spouse
- No romance
- Ignores me
- Money problems
- Children problems
- Avoids me
If your spouse has not yet passed the Point of No Return, you can still save your marriage; there is still hope for the two of you. But you need to do something TODAY to improve your unhappy marriage. Believe me, I get emails daily with stories about marriages that took a turn for the worst in a matter of WEEKS.
These people simply waited too long and before they knew it, their spouse had reached the Point of No Return. So my message to you is DON'T WAIT. Do something for your marriage TODAY...before it's too late. You can start by getting the FREE marriage advice you can use to fix your marriage at the http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com website.
Note: This article is not legal advice. It is not meant to replace marriage counseling.
Advice for Having a Happy Marriage
Advice for a happy marriage
1- Communicate. A marriage is nothing without communication-and that doesn't mean arguing and snapping at each other all the time-that's not real communication. Communication means switching the TV off for once and sitting down and talking over your day, or letting your partner know in a direct way when there is a problem. A marriage is rarely harmed by some good direct communication.
Advice for a happy marriage
2- Admit when things are wrong. During a serious relationship it can be very easy to let yourself gloss over things and make believe that everything will be okay. In truth though, if you do this you aren't being true to yourself, your partner, or your marriage. Problems in marriages are like snowballs rolling down a hill-it's easier to stop them early. Again, the easiest way to do this when a problem does arise is by simple communication between you both.
Advice for a happy marriage
3- Know the difference between falling in love and maintaining a loving relationship. Falling in love can often be like being intoxicated, the subject of your love can do no wrong and all different areas of your brain are impaired due to your preoccupation with them. Unfortunately, this state rarely lasts past the first few years of marriage, so in many cases it's necessary to work together at maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.
Advice for a happy marriage
4- Put a little karmic theory into your marriage-you get what you give, so if you do everything you can to make your partner happy, the chances are they will step up their efforts to make you happy. The more effort you expend making your partner understand how much they mean to you, the more likely it is for them to reciprocate.
Advice for a happy marriage
5- Learn that mending a relationship doesn't mean mending your partner.
A marriage includes you both, and so any issues or situations always include both of you. You can't fix things by modifying the behaviour of one person, it has to be a team effort. People aren't like animals, and you shouldn't have to “marriage train” your partner into making you happy. It's not fair on them, and it's not fair on you.
1- Communicate. A marriage is nothing without communication-and that doesn't mean arguing and snapping at each other all the time-that's not real communication. Communication means switching the TV off for once and sitting down and talking over your day, or letting your partner know in a direct way when there is a problem. A marriage is rarely harmed by some good direct communication.
Advice for a happy marriage
2- Admit when things are wrong. During a serious relationship it can be very easy to let yourself gloss over things and make believe that everything will be okay. In truth though, if you do this you aren't being true to yourself, your partner, or your marriage. Problems in marriages are like snowballs rolling down a hill-it's easier to stop them early. Again, the easiest way to do this when a problem does arise is by simple communication between you both.
Advice for a happy marriage
3- Know the difference between falling in love and maintaining a loving relationship. Falling in love can often be like being intoxicated, the subject of your love can do no wrong and all different areas of your brain are impaired due to your preoccupation with them. Unfortunately, this state rarely lasts past the first few years of marriage, so in many cases it's necessary to work together at maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.
Advice for a happy marriage
4- Put a little karmic theory into your marriage-you get what you give, so if you do everything you can to make your partner happy, the chances are they will step up their efforts to make you happy. The more effort you expend making your partner understand how much they mean to you, the more likely it is for them to reciprocate.
Advice for a happy marriage
5- Learn that mending a relationship doesn't mean mending your partner.
A marriage includes you both, and so any issues or situations always include both of you. You can't fix things by modifying the behaviour of one person, it has to be a team effort. People aren't like animals, and you shouldn't have to “marriage train” your partner into making you happy. It's not fair on them, and it's not fair on you.
8 Tips To Revitalize Your Marriage!
1. Forgive.
Disagreements are only natural in any relationship. Wherever their are two people living in close proximity there are bound to be times when they disagree. Learning to forgive and not hold grudges is vital if they are to prevent bitterness from seeping in and souring things. People make mistakes and do stupid things. We need to be quick to say sorry, and quick to forgive. Married couples must never harbor grudges. Besides, harbouring grudges solves nothing.
2.Be respectful and honesty with one another.
Don't take one another for granted. Learn to say thank you. Express your appreciation for the things your spouse does for you. Tell the truth. If there is a problem talk about it, don't bottle it up. Couples who face their problems and talk things through are the ones that are most likely to build a strong, loving relationships.
3. Remember to laugh often.
The daily grind of life can make everything seem like a chore. A married couple should take time to share jokes and other crazy antics to decrease tension. Remember, laughter is healing.
4. Communicate.
It may seem obvious, but good communication is the key to a fulfilling relationship. Don't let things fester. If the wife is feeling upset by something her husband has said or done she should tell him right away, she shouldn't assume that he will guess what is wrong. What may be obvious to her, may not be obvious to him! Husbands too need to be more forthcoming in sharing what is on their minds. Good communication is vital.
5. Decide together.
It is important that couples make joint decisions on things like finances, children's education and upbringing, delegation of household chores, etc. One must not be superior over the other. If you can't reach agreement straight away, leave it for a while and come back to it again later. If there is still a stale mate, be prepared to given in to your spouse. Take turns in giving in to one another. Marriage isn't a competition
6. Don't forget the simple, small things.
Husbands need to remember to compliment their wives. Don't forget to praise her for a job well done. Buy her flowers. Take her out for a romantic meal. Tell her how beautiful she is. Make her feel like she is your princess. Wives, should also be attentive to their husband's needs. Enjoy each other's company. Showing affection one for another is essential.
7. Stay in love
Nurture your love for one another. Enjoy every new discovery and every new day with your spouse.
8. Stay intimate.
Intimacy is only able to grow in a marriage where their is a strong commitment to one another. Learn to be honest with one another about what turns you on and what turns you off. The sexual side of marriage needn't wane. Greater knowledge of your spouse and deeper affection, should make love making a celebration of your life together. Make time to be intimate.
Being married is not always easy. Especially in our society where so many marriages fail. But as long as both partners know that they have each other to hold on to, it should be a rewarding relationship. Be there for each other, “for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and til death do us part”.
Disagreements are only natural in any relationship. Wherever their are two people living in close proximity there are bound to be times when they disagree. Learning to forgive and not hold grudges is vital if they are to prevent bitterness from seeping in and souring things. People make mistakes and do stupid things. We need to be quick to say sorry, and quick to forgive. Married couples must never harbor grudges. Besides, harbouring grudges solves nothing.
2.Be respectful and honesty with one another.
Don't take one another for granted. Learn to say thank you. Express your appreciation for the things your spouse does for you. Tell the truth. If there is a problem talk about it, don't bottle it up. Couples who face their problems and talk things through are the ones that are most likely to build a strong, loving relationships.
3. Remember to laugh often.
The daily grind of life can make everything seem like a chore. A married couple should take time to share jokes and other crazy antics to decrease tension. Remember, laughter is healing.
4. Communicate.
It may seem obvious, but good communication is the key to a fulfilling relationship. Don't let things fester. If the wife is feeling upset by something her husband has said or done she should tell him right away, she shouldn't assume that he will guess what is wrong. What may be obvious to her, may not be obvious to him! Husbands too need to be more forthcoming in sharing what is on their minds. Good communication is vital.
5. Decide together.
It is important that couples make joint decisions on things like finances, children's education and upbringing, delegation of household chores, etc. One must not be superior over the other. If you can't reach agreement straight away, leave it for a while and come back to it again later. If there is still a stale mate, be prepared to given in to your spouse. Take turns in giving in to one another. Marriage isn't a competition
6. Don't forget the simple, small things.
Husbands need to remember to compliment their wives. Don't forget to praise her for a job well done. Buy her flowers. Take her out for a romantic meal. Tell her how beautiful she is. Make her feel like she is your princess. Wives, should also be attentive to their husband's needs. Enjoy each other's company. Showing affection one for another is essential.
7. Stay in love
Nurture your love for one another. Enjoy every new discovery and every new day with your spouse.
8. Stay intimate.
Intimacy is only able to grow in a marriage where their is a strong commitment to one another. Learn to be honest with one another about what turns you on and what turns you off. The sexual side of marriage needn't wane. Greater knowledge of your spouse and deeper affection, should make love making a celebration of your life together. Make time to be intimate.
Being married is not always easy. Especially in our society where so many marriages fail. But as long as both partners know that they have each other to hold on to, it should be a rewarding relationship. Be there for each other, “for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and til death do us part”.
5 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Exciting
1. Have Independent Interests
You cannot have anything interesting to say if you spend every waking moment doing and experiencing the same things. Having independent interests is not a sign of a weak marriage, as some newlyweds believe, but rather a sign of its strength. Having independent interests means that you have something unique to bring to conversations, ensuring that you both always have something interesting, and yes exciting, to say to one another.
2. Spontaneous Events
While you were dating, planning the spontaneous event seemed rather innate. But, as we grow comfortable in our relationships and more busy by life’s obligations, we have a tendency to rely upon the strength of our relationships and in so doing fail to keep things spontaneous. So to mix things up; plan an afternoon or evening event that is completely new. Try that show your spouse has been dying to see, or visit that new restaurant that just opened up.
3. Never threaten separation
This is less a rule to keep things exciting, and more one to keep them sound. A relationship can only grow and remain exciting if both parties are confident in their commitment to one another. As a consequence, make it a rule between you and your partner that you never threaten separation or divorce. Establish an understanding that if you threaten separation, you should be heading out the door to back it up. It is a harsh rule, but one that needs imposition if your relationship is to survive the ups and downs which are a part of all marriages.
4. Weekend Trips
One sure-fire way to inject some romance into your marriage is to take a vacation with just the two of you. But with the rigors of life and the costs of a trip, a full-blown vacation can seem hard to justify. So instead opt for a one night local vacation. Plan a dinner and evening out, and cap it off with a night in a hotel. The expense isn’t a lot considering the excitement that a trip, no matter how small, can bring into a relationship.
5. Spice up the bedroom
The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom. Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship. So try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.
You cannot have anything interesting to say if you spend every waking moment doing and experiencing the same things. Having independent interests is not a sign of a weak marriage, as some newlyweds believe, but rather a sign of its strength. Having independent interests means that you have something unique to bring to conversations, ensuring that you both always have something interesting, and yes exciting, to say to one another.
2. Spontaneous Events
While you were dating, planning the spontaneous event seemed rather innate. But, as we grow comfortable in our relationships and more busy by life’s obligations, we have a tendency to rely upon the strength of our relationships and in so doing fail to keep things spontaneous. So to mix things up; plan an afternoon or evening event that is completely new. Try that show your spouse has been dying to see, or visit that new restaurant that just opened up.
3. Never threaten separation
This is less a rule to keep things exciting, and more one to keep them sound. A relationship can only grow and remain exciting if both parties are confident in their commitment to one another. As a consequence, make it a rule between you and your partner that you never threaten separation or divorce. Establish an understanding that if you threaten separation, you should be heading out the door to back it up. It is a harsh rule, but one that needs imposition if your relationship is to survive the ups and downs which are a part of all marriages.
4. Weekend Trips
One sure-fire way to inject some romance into your marriage is to take a vacation with just the two of you. But with the rigors of life and the costs of a trip, a full-blown vacation can seem hard to justify. So instead opt for a one night local vacation. Plan a dinner and evening out, and cap it off with a night in a hotel. The expense isn’t a lot considering the excitement that a trip, no matter how small, can bring into a relationship.
5. Spice up the bedroom
The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom. Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship. So try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.
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