Talk with your spouse on a daily basis. Communication with one another will prevent any misunderstandings on certain issues. When a problem does come up, discuss your feelings and view points to the other person. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.
Do not take anything for granted in your marriage. Small misunderstandings can become bigger problems in the future. Keep a look out for any red flags in your marriage and confront them before they become bigger issues.
Work with one another. Being in a marriage is like being on a team. Each member must do his or her own part. One person cannot do everything. Work with your spouse in maintaining your marriage.
Try to see things in your spouse’s point of view. This will help you to see where the other person is coming from which will increase your understanding of the situation. Don’t assume that you are the one who has all the answers.
Seek the services of a marriage counselor if you can’t resolve your problems. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. Maintaining a marriage is very difficult so it is important to get additional advice from an experienced professional. Many people seek the services of a marriage counselor nowadays.
Marriage requires a lot of work, however the most important thing is to talk with one another on a regular basis and to confront problems before they become major obstacles in your marriage. This will help reduce a lot of your stresses in your marriage.
How Healthy is My Relationship??
The best relationships are friendships that catch fire. How well do you know your partner and their view of the world? Answer the following questions to find out.
1. I understand my partner’s philosophies about life.
Yes No
2. I consider my partner to be my very best friend.
Yes No
3. We often touch and kiss for no particular reason.
Yes No
4. I call my partner several times a day.
Yes No
5. I understand my partner’s dreams for the future.
Yes No
6. We find our sex life is fun and satisfying.
Yes No
7. We touch base everyday about how our day is going.
Yes No
8. If I have a problem, I talk with my partner.
Yes No
9. We have scheduled activities that we look forward to.
Yes No
10. We have similar values and goals.
Yes No
11. I think that my partner has high integrity.
Yes No
12. I can’t wait to get home at the end of the day.
Yes No
13. We have favorite traditions for many of the holidays.
Yes No
14. I feel that my partner respects me.
Yes No
15. We enjoy many of the same activities.
Yes No
16. My partner understands my family.
Yes No
17. My partner makes me laugh.
Yes No
How many “Yes” answers did you have?
15 or more: You have a strong relationship built on friendship.
9-14: You have a good base but additional work will enhance your relationship. This is a good time to utilize additional tools.
8 or fewer: Get busy or you and your partner risk drifting apart.
1. I understand my partner’s philosophies about life.
Yes No
2. I consider my partner to be my very best friend.
Yes No
3. We often touch and kiss for no particular reason.
Yes No
4. I call my partner several times a day.
Yes No
5. I understand my partner’s dreams for the future.
Yes No
6. We find our sex life is fun and satisfying.
Yes No
7. We touch base everyday about how our day is going.
Yes No
8. If I have a problem, I talk with my partner.
Yes No
9. We have scheduled activities that we look forward to.
Yes No
10. We have similar values and goals.
Yes No
11. I think that my partner has high integrity.
Yes No
12. I can’t wait to get home at the end of the day.
Yes No
13. We have favorite traditions for many of the holidays.
Yes No
14. I feel that my partner respects me.
Yes No
15. We enjoy many of the same activities.
Yes No
16. My partner understands my family.
Yes No
17. My partner makes me laugh.
Yes No
How many “Yes” answers did you have?
15 or more: You have a strong relationship built on friendship.
9-14: You have a good base but additional work will enhance your relationship. This is a good time to utilize additional tools.
8 or fewer: Get busy or you and your partner risk drifting apart.
How to Prevent Affairs in My Marriage
Affairs are, unfortunately, one of the biggest reasons for separation and divorce these days. That is why it is a good idea to understand what you can do today to help affair-proof your marriage in the years to come. Sometimes, an affair might have already come between you and your spouse. This does not mean that you cannot take steps to keep it from happening again.
Growth is one vital element of marriage that many people take for granted. A constant sense of growth needs to be present in any marriage. If it’s not, one partner may feel like they are moving forward and their spouse is not, which often creates a wall between them. They feel as if they are worlds apart, or not on the same track as far as growth. Be sure to take time each day for growth within your relationship. Make a commitment to do one thing each day that will benefit your marriage, no matter how small it may be. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship if you feel you’ve gotten off track.
Communication is a key in any successful relationship. If you are having problems, turn towards your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.
Certain things in your marriage should be guarded like a hawk. There are things that should be held in high value in a marriage, and kept sacred.
• Time – The way you spend your time should be guarded in respect toward your marriage and family. Where are you spending your time? Ask your partner if they need more time with you. Time with your partner should be set aside and kept in high regards. Respect the time you spend with your partner.
• Mind – What occupies your mind? Is your spouse often present in your mind? Do you think good thoughts about them? Evaluate what is on your mind, and put your marriage in there if it’s not already.
• Energy – Where you are putting your energy, especially everyday, is important to your marriage. Where are you putting your energy? Is your energy invested in your marriage, your family, or in less important events in life? Evaluate your energy, and make sure that there is a reasonable balance between activity, work, marriage, and family.
Finally, set a Formula for Success. Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so that you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate them. Don’t let resentment build.
Growth is one vital element of marriage that many people take for granted. A constant sense of growth needs to be present in any marriage. If it’s not, one partner may feel like they are moving forward and their spouse is not, which often creates a wall between them. They feel as if they are worlds apart, or not on the same track as far as growth. Be sure to take time each day for growth within your relationship. Make a commitment to do one thing each day that will benefit your marriage, no matter how small it may be. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship if you feel you’ve gotten off track.
Communication is a key in any successful relationship. If you are having problems, turn towards your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.
Certain things in your marriage should be guarded like a hawk. There are things that should be held in high value in a marriage, and kept sacred.
• Time – The way you spend your time should be guarded in respect toward your marriage and family. Where are you spending your time? Ask your partner if they need more time with you. Time with your partner should be set aside and kept in high regards. Respect the time you spend with your partner.
• Mind – What occupies your mind? Is your spouse often present in your mind? Do you think good thoughts about them? Evaluate what is on your mind, and put your marriage in there if it’s not already.
• Energy – Where you are putting your energy, especially everyday, is important to your marriage. Where are you putting your energy? Is your energy invested in your marriage, your family, or in less important events in life? Evaluate your energy, and make sure that there is a reasonable balance between activity, work, marriage, and family.
Finally, set a Formula for Success. Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so that you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate them. Don’t let resentment build.
Seven Ways to Spice Up My Marriage Today
Q. My marriage is getting pretty dull. My husband and I are going through a low point where everything seems to be pretty boring. What are some things that we can do to spice up our marriage?
D.M.
A. First of all know that every marriage goes through it's high and low points. You guys are just in a natural part of the cycle. With that said, here are a few suggestions to make your marriage a little more interesting.
1) Stop complaining about the state of your union. Create an action plan for change and write it down. It’s okay if you’re the only one willing to spice things up at first. In time you’ll find that your spouse will be receptive to the changes you’ve made, especially if you don’t point out your changes or nag your spouse about changing.
2) I can’t say it enough, turn off the T.V. at least 30-45 minutes a day and spend time with each other. No distractions.
3) Date each other as if you weren’t married. Dress up, wear make up, cologne/perfume. Recreate your early years. Meet each other on site and pretend as though you’re meeting for the first time—or have your partner pick you up from work or home. The whole idea is to go all out.
4) Do nice things for each other. Completing chores around the house that your spouse hates doing is a great place to start.
5) Make a point to have a “second” honeymoon at least once a year. Any time from three days to two weeks is good. Even if you can’t get away, you can make a paradise at home. Make work take a back seat, and get someone to watch the kids (and even your pets). The point is to spend your focus on each other for a few days.
6) Live each day as though it were your last. Make sure you say the things you want to say to your spouse today and do the things you want to do for your spouse today. Don’t hold back a good word or a good deed when you know it can do a wonder for your relationship.
7) Take care of yourself. This tip is probably the most important. Make sure that your spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical batteries are charged. If you need to spend some time doing a hobby, visiting with some friends, or pampering yourself, do it! So long as your “me” time is in moderation, you’ll feel a lot healthier, and your relationship will reflect it.
D.M.
A. First of all know that every marriage goes through it's high and low points. You guys are just in a natural part of the cycle. With that said, here are a few suggestions to make your marriage a little more interesting.
1) Stop complaining about the state of your union. Create an action plan for change and write it down. It’s okay if you’re the only one willing to spice things up at first. In time you’ll find that your spouse will be receptive to the changes you’ve made, especially if you don’t point out your changes or nag your spouse about changing.
2) I can’t say it enough, turn off the T.V. at least 30-45 minutes a day and spend time with each other. No distractions.
3) Date each other as if you weren’t married. Dress up, wear make up, cologne/perfume. Recreate your early years. Meet each other on site and pretend as though you’re meeting for the first time—or have your partner pick you up from work or home. The whole idea is to go all out.
4) Do nice things for each other. Completing chores around the house that your spouse hates doing is a great place to start.
5) Make a point to have a “second” honeymoon at least once a year. Any time from three days to two weeks is good. Even if you can’t get away, you can make a paradise at home. Make work take a back seat, and get someone to watch the kids (and even your pets). The point is to spend your focus on each other for a few days.
6) Live each day as though it were your last. Make sure you say the things you want to say to your spouse today and do the things you want to do for your spouse today. Don’t hold back a good word or a good deed when you know it can do a wonder for your relationship.
7) Take care of yourself. This tip is probably the most important. Make sure that your spiritual, emotional, psychological and physical batteries are charged. If you need to spend some time doing a hobby, visiting with some friends, or pampering yourself, do it! So long as your “me” time is in moderation, you’ll feel a lot healthier, and your relationship will reflect it.
How to Create A Successful Marriage
The basic element of “being one” in marriage is companionship. Like friends, couples need to be open with each other about their interests, dreams and goals.
It is difficult for a married couple to deal with certain problems when there are no common goals established. Goals enable the couple to realize that they are not competing against each other, and help them to work together and support one another.
Married couples should cooperate and work towards these dreams and goals with all dedication and devotion. Do not give up if you and your spouses goals appear to be too different. Talk and recognize that you both have needs, and try to set goals that will enable both sets of needs to be satisfied. Often, as you share your dreams, you will discover that in fact you both have similar dreams and goals; it was just the direction that you each wanted to take was different. This difference of direction can then be dealt with as you talk.
Often when you take time to communicate with each other regarding your needs and motivations, you will be surprised to learn that you both have identical dreams and goals. This is likely to be what drew you together in the first place.
So what types of goals should you set? Goals can center on your children, the family as a whole, your individual careers, your possessions and your pastimes.
The following are guidelines to better understand and relate with your partner's goals:
1. Know your spouse. Pay close attention to his or her habits and values.
2. Bond and respond. Whatever that goes on within your spouse’s life, in his/her career, you know that there are dreams and goals in each aspect. So be sensitive and take part; worry and celebrate in his/her accomplishments.
3. Let your spouse influence you. Be willing to share in his/her decisions. Understand his/her goals and when you do not agree at some point, at least support him or her..
4.Compromise. When your goals do not exactly match, know when to put the brakes if you feel that the conversation is becoming confrontational. Be calm and tolerant.
When you both have strong appreciation and understanding of all your dreams and goals you become closer together as a married couple, it makes married life a lot more pleasant and easier to handle. After all, you are partners in life.
It is difficult for a married couple to deal with certain problems when there are no common goals established. Goals enable the couple to realize that they are not competing against each other, and help them to work together and support one another.
Married couples should cooperate and work towards these dreams and goals with all dedication and devotion. Do not give up if you and your spouses goals appear to be too different. Talk and recognize that you both have needs, and try to set goals that will enable both sets of needs to be satisfied. Often, as you share your dreams, you will discover that in fact you both have similar dreams and goals; it was just the direction that you each wanted to take was different. This difference of direction can then be dealt with as you talk.
Often when you take time to communicate with each other regarding your needs and motivations, you will be surprised to learn that you both have identical dreams and goals. This is likely to be what drew you together in the first place.
So what types of goals should you set? Goals can center on your children, the family as a whole, your individual careers, your possessions and your pastimes.
The following are guidelines to better understand and relate with your partner's goals:
1. Know your spouse. Pay close attention to his or her habits and values.
2. Bond and respond. Whatever that goes on within your spouse’s life, in his/her career, you know that there are dreams and goals in each aspect. So be sensitive and take part; worry and celebrate in his/her accomplishments.
3. Let your spouse influence you. Be willing to share in his/her decisions. Understand his/her goals and when you do not agree at some point, at least support him or her..
4.Compromise. When your goals do not exactly match, know when to put the brakes if you feel that the conversation is becoming confrontational. Be calm and tolerant.
When you both have strong appreciation and understanding of all your dreams and goals you become closer together as a married couple, it makes married life a lot more pleasant and easier to handle. After all, you are partners in life.
How to Keep My Marriage Hot
The decision of getting married should be given multiple thinking over. Although you love a person and has deep devotion and loyalty, a lot of changes happen while inside a marriage that can change the way a person feels for one another.
The key is to keep the marriage exciting at all times. Every relationship has space for improvement. Improving your marriage is something each and every married person should strive for. If you keep your marriage from becoming predictable and monotonous you give a reason for you and your partner something to look forward to and get excited about.
Each partner should be open to changes. Learn to experiment and accept those changes. Being adventurous both in your daily activities and in the bed room will keep the relationship young. Learn to accept your partner even through his or her changes. The person you married is not the same one that he or she is now or next year and the years after. People change, and if those changes do not affect your vows try to be accepting and flexible.
Role playing can be a great idea to keep the relationship fresh. This could not be counted as cheating so do not be jealous. Although you may play games wherein you imagine the person is a different one, you still both know deep inside that it is your partner. Having an open mind can improve your marriage a whole lot.
The key is to keep the marriage exciting at all times. Every relationship has space for improvement. Improving your marriage is something each and every married person should strive for. If you keep your marriage from becoming predictable and monotonous you give a reason for you and your partner something to look forward to and get excited about.
Each partner should be open to changes. Learn to experiment and accept those changes. Being adventurous both in your daily activities and in the bed room will keep the relationship young. Learn to accept your partner even through his or her changes. The person you married is not the same one that he or she is now or next year and the years after. People change, and if those changes do not affect your vows try to be accepting and flexible.
Role playing can be a great idea to keep the relationship fresh. This could not be counted as cheating so do not be jealous. Although you may play games wherein you imagine the person is a different one, you still both know deep inside that it is your partner. Having an open mind can improve your marriage a whole lot.
Am I Dependent on my Marriage??
Marriage is the best form of companionship designed by mankind. After marriage a person is assured of at least one friend for life. Marriage gives some assurance that one will have a companion through thick and thin till the end. We cannot call our other friendships and relations so dependable. That is why marriage is important. All this was certainly true, few decades ago. Is it so even now? How far are you dependent on your marriage to derive satisfaction and peace in life?
Now let us examine some personalities. For my first example I will take a man/woman who is career oriented. For whom nothing matters other than the career and achievements in the work place. What kind of married life will such a person have? One can assume that such a person will not be very dependent upon married relationship. Such a person will not undergo an unbearable shock if marriage breaks.
Take another example of a person who has a large group of friends and socially networks very well. Attends all the functions, parties and celebrations thrown by friends. If someone is a typical social animal that thrives in a group of friends and invents reasons for gatherings, will he/she depend on the married life for happiness? Such people are not highly dependent on their married life for happiness. Their attitude is different.
On the other hand, let us take an example of a person who is introvert and likes to remain with and shares more time with family. Such a person is a devoted family person and may get devastated if separated or after the death of spouse.
All of us derive different pleasures with different relationships. Our priorities vary. Our value system varies. Because of these differences in our personalities, marriage may or may not play a very important role in every ones life.
Now let us examine some personalities. For my first example I will take a man/woman who is career oriented. For whom nothing matters other than the career and achievements in the work place. What kind of married life will such a person have? One can assume that such a person will not be very dependent upon married relationship. Such a person will not undergo an unbearable shock if marriage breaks.
Take another example of a person who has a large group of friends and socially networks very well. Attends all the functions, parties and celebrations thrown by friends. If someone is a typical social animal that thrives in a group of friends and invents reasons for gatherings, will he/she depend on the married life for happiness? Such people are not highly dependent on their married life for happiness. Their attitude is different.
On the other hand, let us take an example of a person who is introvert and likes to remain with and shares more time with family. Such a person is a devoted family person and may get devastated if separated or after the death of spouse.
All of us derive different pleasures with different relationships. Our priorities vary. Our value system varies. Because of these differences in our personalities, marriage may or may not play a very important role in every ones life.
Complacement is a Common Marriage Problem
It is so easy to fall into a daily routine, fuelled by responsibilities and just forget what relationships are all about. With so much to do each day, and without the need to plan to meet each other, relationships tend to be pushed to the back, treated as something that doesn’t need to be attended to and left to just bumble along.
Often we fail to make time for our partners and when we do, it’s often some stolen moments at the end of a long hard day when we lack the energy to show how much we love and appreciate each other and are just too tired to have any fun.
When spouses begin to feel neglected they often start with the subtle plea, a gentle reminder that they feel that they aren’t important any more, that they feel unloved, undervalued and that another of those common marriage problems, boredom with the daily routine has set in. And so the rot begins……
It is all too easy to brush aside their pleas, just assume that they know you love them, expect them to understand that you are tired, believe that they will understand that you don’t have the time and all too soon forget the initial signs that the marriage is in trouble.
If you continue to ignore the early unrest it can seem a clear indication to your partner that life is more important than they are. It won’t matter that you are getting stick at work or that the children need ferrying around or that other responsibilities are getting in the way, they will just see this big neon sign saying ‘you don’t love me any more’, you don’t want to save your marriage, no advice, no gentle nudge, no subtle plea is going to make a difference.
It is critical that no matter what life throws at us we show that we value our partners, and our relationships, every day of our lives. Common marriage problems such as complacency, boredom, jealousy, lack of trust and even infidelity just creep up on us, out of nowhere, and without us making an effort what we craved, what we worked for and what we have enjoyed can crumble away before our very eyes.
All it takes is those small gestures, nothing fancy, nothing time consuming, nothing expensive just small and thoughtful little gestures that show love, respect and affection for each other. An indication that we still appreciate our marriage, our relationship and the life we have together.
If you want to save your marriage, my advice is make your spouse your top priority, let them see that they are valuable and precious, and that above all they and their feelings come first.
Compliments should be regular, not a thing of the past and not something that you believe is no longer required. Make sure your spouse knows that you appreciate them, respect them, love them and admire then and above all make sure that they know that you want to be with them.
Ensure that you spend time together and relax, enjoy and appreciate each others company. Don’t loose those intimate moments no matter how hard it is. Touch hands when passing, hold hands when you walk, kiss each other hello and goodbye, make time for a cuddle every day and never loose the excitement of the fleeting glance and the odd caress. If you fail to keep that bond between you your relationship will start to slide and before you know it what was once a loving marriage will become an empty shell.
Complacency is a very true and common marriage problem, don’t assume it won’t happen to you and don’t assume that you know each other so well that you don’t need to make an effort. Some marriages take more work than others but all marriages need nurturing to survive.
Often we fail to make time for our partners and when we do, it’s often some stolen moments at the end of a long hard day when we lack the energy to show how much we love and appreciate each other and are just too tired to have any fun.
When spouses begin to feel neglected they often start with the subtle plea, a gentle reminder that they feel that they aren’t important any more, that they feel unloved, undervalued and that another of those common marriage problems, boredom with the daily routine has set in. And so the rot begins……
It is all too easy to brush aside their pleas, just assume that they know you love them, expect them to understand that you are tired, believe that they will understand that you don’t have the time and all too soon forget the initial signs that the marriage is in trouble.
If you continue to ignore the early unrest it can seem a clear indication to your partner that life is more important than they are. It won’t matter that you are getting stick at work or that the children need ferrying around or that other responsibilities are getting in the way, they will just see this big neon sign saying ‘you don’t love me any more’, you don’t want to save your marriage, no advice, no gentle nudge, no subtle plea is going to make a difference.
It is critical that no matter what life throws at us we show that we value our partners, and our relationships, every day of our lives. Common marriage problems such as complacency, boredom, jealousy, lack of trust and even infidelity just creep up on us, out of nowhere, and without us making an effort what we craved, what we worked for and what we have enjoyed can crumble away before our very eyes.
All it takes is those small gestures, nothing fancy, nothing time consuming, nothing expensive just small and thoughtful little gestures that show love, respect and affection for each other. An indication that we still appreciate our marriage, our relationship and the life we have together.
If you want to save your marriage, my advice is make your spouse your top priority, let them see that they are valuable and precious, and that above all they and their feelings come first.
Compliments should be regular, not a thing of the past and not something that you believe is no longer required. Make sure your spouse knows that you appreciate them, respect them, love them and admire then and above all make sure that they know that you want to be with them.
Ensure that you spend time together and relax, enjoy and appreciate each others company. Don’t loose those intimate moments no matter how hard it is. Touch hands when passing, hold hands when you walk, kiss each other hello and goodbye, make time for a cuddle every day and never loose the excitement of the fleeting glance and the odd caress. If you fail to keep that bond between you your relationship will start to slide and before you know it what was once a loving marriage will become an empty shell.
Complacency is a very true and common marriage problem, don’t assume it won’t happen to you and don’t assume that you know each other so well that you don’t need to make an effort. Some marriages take more work than others but all marriages need nurturing to survive.
Marriage and Astrology
For most normal human beings, marriage is a sacred institution. It means the union of two hearts, minds, bodies, and souls. It is often said that “marriages are made in heaven”. Well, could be very much true. But for all practical purposes, it is essential to find the right match for a man or a woman. Astrology can help do just that. Astrology plays a big part in finding the right matrimonial alliance. With the help of astrological predictions, the compatibility of a couple can be ascertained. This practice of matching horoscopes of would be brides and grooms are quite common among the Hindus in India. Marriages almost never happen here without horoscope matching. Astrologers also determine the ideal time and date of the marriage. Horoscopes of the prospective brides and grooms tell a lot about the past, present and future. Horoscope matching also guides the astrologer on the dates to be avoided. There are some periods in which influence of some planets like Saturn is quite strong. These periods may not be ideal for solemnization of a marriage. Marriages solemnized in these “bad patches” may not last long, or may be shaky. So, we can say astrology can be used to avoid future “break-ups” or divorces. Matrimonial matching by horoscopes requires a few important documents. First of all, the horoscopes of both the bride and the bridegroom are analyzed. Then some crucial information such as the date of birth, time of birth and place of birth, of both the man and the woman are collected. There are various permutations and combinations to be done to match the horoscopes. The influences of the motions of the planets at the time of birth are analyzed. This gives a rough idea to the astrologer whether the couple is compatible or not. It is not mandatory that the horoscopes of the bride and the groom need to match perfectly. Sometimes marriages are possible in the case minor differences between the boy and the girl. But in such cases, some corrective measures, as suggested by the astrologers have to be taken before the solemnization of the marriage.
It has been observed that the success rates of marriages are higher in cases where horoscope matching is done. Critics may have a different opinion regarding this. But they too cannot totally disprove the fact that Astrology is effective when it comes to marriages. The scientists may say that Astrology has no scientific basis. But that does not take the credit away from the practice of horoscope matching that is prevalent in India.
It has been observed that the success rates of marriages are higher in cases where horoscope matching is done. Critics may have a different opinion regarding this. But they too cannot totally disprove the fact that Astrology is effective when it comes to marriages. The scientists may say that Astrology has no scientific basis. But that does not take the credit away from the practice of horoscope matching that is prevalent in India.
Is My Marriage Really Over??
It's a fact. There are a lot of people who feel unhappy in their marriage. But the real question many of them are asking themselves is, how do I know when my marriage is really over?
Is it when your spouse says, "I don't love you anymore?" Is it after an affair takes place? How do you REALLY know? Keep reading to find out how to identify the warning signs that often indicate your spouse has given up on your marriage.
First and Foremost: Has your spouse reached The Point of No Return?
What is the Point of No Return in a marriage? Is there such a thing? After working with couples for over 11 years, I've identified a specific "path" that couples travel on the way to divorce. And at the end of this path is what I call...The Point of No Return.
But I'm getting ahead of myself...let me back up for a second.
In most cases, your marriage is NOT over when:
- Your spouse moves out
- When your spouse says the infamous, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore"
- When your spouse threatens you with divorce
And believe it or not, in some cases, your marriage is NOT even over when...your spouse files for divorce.
Your marriage is NOT over when your spouse begs, pleads, argues, screams, storms out of the house or turns the whole family against you.
Quite the contrary, The Point of No Return in a marriage IS confirmed when your spouse looks at you as if s/he were dead.
There is no life in your spouse's voice and no life in his/her eyes. Your spouse doesn't get angry with you. S/he simply tells you when the divorce papers are going to be served. S/he's already gone to the court house, found an attorney and has a service date set for the divorce proceedings.
Your marriage is most likely over when your spouse has made complete lists of assets and debts with your both of your names on them. Your spouse has already decided on the custody plan and cleaned out any bank accounts with their name and yours and closed all the credit cards that you share.
Your spouse has reached The Point of No Return when s/he already knows the courts require a 120 day waiting period and s/he has emotionally bolted him/herself in place for the long wait.
You've gone WAY beyond an "unhappy marriage" when your spouse has talked many times to the children about divorce and they are now either scared, angry, hurt, confused or emotionally shut down.
There's a good chance your marriage is over when your spouse doesn't care about how your children feel about it. S/he is only acting for his/her own survival at this point and s/he has repeatedly convinced him/herself that "The kids are good, they'll be fine." S/he may have even said that to friends and relatives.
This is the REAL Point of No Return. I've found that when your spouse has reached the Point of No Return, no one can save your marriage at this point. Not a priest, pastor or marriage counselor.
So How Did this Happen?
A marriage gets to this point because we live in a society that is convinced that once you are married, there is nothing you need to learn about marriage and nothing you need to practice.
All you need is love.
If you don't have love, then it's all your fault that your marriage failed. Because of this belief, you kept on doing exactly what you always did...your version of love.
You treated your spouse the same way your father treated your mother...or vice versa. You kept on doing the same thing and kept on getting the same results.
Your spouse could not help you to help him/her. No matter how many times s/he told you how to meet his/her needs, you couldn't hear...you just couldn't understand.
How do I know this?
I know it because every single divorce is built on the same system. When your emotional needs are not met in a marriage, anywhere from 1-3 of the situations listed below will begin to take place in your marriage.
Because you know virtually nothing about how to be married and how to support each other's needs, you have no way to stop these issues from happening:
- Affair
- Sex failure
- Communication break down
- No Loyalty
- In-Law problems
- Grew apart
- Fell out of love
- Blended family issues
- Abusive attitudes
- Depression
- Angry spouse
- No romance
- Ignores me
- Money problems
- Children problems
- Avoids me
If your spouse has not yet passed the Point of No Return, you can still save your marriage; there is still hope for the two of you. But you need to do something TODAY to improve your unhappy marriage. Believe me, I get emails daily with stories about marriages that took a turn for the worst in a matter of WEEKS.
These people simply waited too long and before they knew it, their spouse had reached the Point of No Return. So my message to you is DON'T WAIT. Do something for your marriage TODAY...before it's too late. You can start by getting the FREE marriage advice you can use to fix your marriage at the http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com website.
Note: This article is not legal advice. It is not meant to replace marriage counseling.
Advice for Having a Happy Marriage
Advice for a happy marriage
1- Communicate. A marriage is nothing without communication-and that doesn't mean arguing and snapping at each other all the time-that's not real communication. Communication means switching the TV off for once and sitting down and talking over your day, or letting your partner know in a direct way when there is a problem. A marriage is rarely harmed by some good direct communication.
Advice for a happy marriage
2- Admit when things are wrong. During a serious relationship it can be very easy to let yourself gloss over things and make believe that everything will be okay. In truth though, if you do this you aren't being true to yourself, your partner, or your marriage. Problems in marriages are like snowballs rolling down a hill-it's easier to stop them early. Again, the easiest way to do this when a problem does arise is by simple communication between you both.
Advice for a happy marriage
3- Know the difference between falling in love and maintaining a loving relationship. Falling in love can often be like being intoxicated, the subject of your love can do no wrong and all different areas of your brain are impaired due to your preoccupation with them. Unfortunately, this state rarely lasts past the first few years of marriage, so in many cases it's necessary to work together at maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.
Advice for a happy marriage
4- Put a little karmic theory into your marriage-you get what you give, so if you do everything you can to make your partner happy, the chances are they will step up their efforts to make you happy. The more effort you expend making your partner understand how much they mean to you, the more likely it is for them to reciprocate.
Advice for a happy marriage
5- Learn that mending a relationship doesn't mean mending your partner.
A marriage includes you both, and so any issues or situations always include both of you. You can't fix things by modifying the behaviour of one person, it has to be a team effort. People aren't like animals, and you shouldn't have to “marriage train” your partner into making you happy. It's not fair on them, and it's not fair on you.
1- Communicate. A marriage is nothing without communication-and that doesn't mean arguing and snapping at each other all the time-that's not real communication. Communication means switching the TV off for once and sitting down and talking over your day, or letting your partner know in a direct way when there is a problem. A marriage is rarely harmed by some good direct communication.
Advice for a happy marriage
2- Admit when things are wrong. During a serious relationship it can be very easy to let yourself gloss over things and make believe that everything will be okay. In truth though, if you do this you aren't being true to yourself, your partner, or your marriage. Problems in marriages are like snowballs rolling down a hill-it's easier to stop them early. Again, the easiest way to do this when a problem does arise is by simple communication between you both.
Advice for a happy marriage
3- Know the difference between falling in love and maintaining a loving relationship. Falling in love can often be like being intoxicated, the subject of your love can do no wrong and all different areas of your brain are impaired due to your preoccupation with them. Unfortunately, this state rarely lasts past the first few years of marriage, so in many cases it's necessary to work together at maintaining a healthy and loving relationship.
Advice for a happy marriage
4- Put a little karmic theory into your marriage-you get what you give, so if you do everything you can to make your partner happy, the chances are they will step up their efforts to make you happy. The more effort you expend making your partner understand how much they mean to you, the more likely it is for them to reciprocate.
Advice for a happy marriage
5- Learn that mending a relationship doesn't mean mending your partner.
A marriage includes you both, and so any issues or situations always include both of you. You can't fix things by modifying the behaviour of one person, it has to be a team effort. People aren't like animals, and you shouldn't have to “marriage train” your partner into making you happy. It's not fair on them, and it's not fair on you.
8 Tips To Revitalize Your Marriage!
1. Forgive.
Disagreements are only natural in any relationship. Wherever their are two people living in close proximity there are bound to be times when they disagree. Learning to forgive and not hold grudges is vital if they are to prevent bitterness from seeping in and souring things. People make mistakes and do stupid things. We need to be quick to say sorry, and quick to forgive. Married couples must never harbor grudges. Besides, harbouring grudges solves nothing.
2.Be respectful and honesty with one another.
Don't take one another for granted. Learn to say thank you. Express your appreciation for the things your spouse does for you. Tell the truth. If there is a problem talk about it, don't bottle it up. Couples who face their problems and talk things through are the ones that are most likely to build a strong, loving relationships.
3. Remember to laugh often.
The daily grind of life can make everything seem like a chore. A married couple should take time to share jokes and other crazy antics to decrease tension. Remember, laughter is healing.
4. Communicate.
It may seem obvious, but good communication is the key to a fulfilling relationship. Don't let things fester. If the wife is feeling upset by something her husband has said or done she should tell him right away, she shouldn't assume that he will guess what is wrong. What may be obvious to her, may not be obvious to him! Husbands too need to be more forthcoming in sharing what is on their minds. Good communication is vital.
5. Decide together.
It is important that couples make joint decisions on things like finances, children's education and upbringing, delegation of household chores, etc. One must not be superior over the other. If you can't reach agreement straight away, leave it for a while and come back to it again later. If there is still a stale mate, be prepared to given in to your spouse. Take turns in giving in to one another. Marriage isn't a competition
6. Don't forget the simple, small things.
Husbands need to remember to compliment their wives. Don't forget to praise her for a job well done. Buy her flowers. Take her out for a romantic meal. Tell her how beautiful she is. Make her feel like she is your princess. Wives, should also be attentive to their husband's needs. Enjoy each other's company. Showing affection one for another is essential.
7. Stay in love
Nurture your love for one another. Enjoy every new discovery and every new day with your spouse.
8. Stay intimate.
Intimacy is only able to grow in a marriage where their is a strong commitment to one another. Learn to be honest with one another about what turns you on and what turns you off. The sexual side of marriage needn't wane. Greater knowledge of your spouse and deeper affection, should make love making a celebration of your life together. Make time to be intimate.
Being married is not always easy. Especially in our society where so many marriages fail. But as long as both partners know that they have each other to hold on to, it should be a rewarding relationship. Be there for each other, “for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and til death do us part”.
Disagreements are only natural in any relationship. Wherever their are two people living in close proximity there are bound to be times when they disagree. Learning to forgive and not hold grudges is vital if they are to prevent bitterness from seeping in and souring things. People make mistakes and do stupid things. We need to be quick to say sorry, and quick to forgive. Married couples must never harbor grudges. Besides, harbouring grudges solves nothing.
2.Be respectful and honesty with one another.
Don't take one another for granted. Learn to say thank you. Express your appreciation for the things your spouse does for you. Tell the truth. If there is a problem talk about it, don't bottle it up. Couples who face their problems and talk things through are the ones that are most likely to build a strong, loving relationships.
3. Remember to laugh often.
The daily grind of life can make everything seem like a chore. A married couple should take time to share jokes and other crazy antics to decrease tension. Remember, laughter is healing.
4. Communicate.
It may seem obvious, but good communication is the key to a fulfilling relationship. Don't let things fester. If the wife is feeling upset by something her husband has said or done she should tell him right away, she shouldn't assume that he will guess what is wrong. What may be obvious to her, may not be obvious to him! Husbands too need to be more forthcoming in sharing what is on their minds. Good communication is vital.
5. Decide together.
It is important that couples make joint decisions on things like finances, children's education and upbringing, delegation of household chores, etc. One must not be superior over the other. If you can't reach agreement straight away, leave it for a while and come back to it again later. If there is still a stale mate, be prepared to given in to your spouse. Take turns in giving in to one another. Marriage isn't a competition
6. Don't forget the simple, small things.
Husbands need to remember to compliment their wives. Don't forget to praise her for a job well done. Buy her flowers. Take her out for a romantic meal. Tell her how beautiful she is. Make her feel like she is your princess. Wives, should also be attentive to their husband's needs. Enjoy each other's company. Showing affection one for another is essential.
7. Stay in love
Nurture your love for one another. Enjoy every new discovery and every new day with your spouse.
8. Stay intimate.
Intimacy is only able to grow in a marriage where their is a strong commitment to one another. Learn to be honest with one another about what turns you on and what turns you off. The sexual side of marriage needn't wane. Greater knowledge of your spouse and deeper affection, should make love making a celebration of your life together. Make time to be intimate.
Being married is not always easy. Especially in our society where so many marriages fail. But as long as both partners know that they have each other to hold on to, it should be a rewarding relationship. Be there for each other, “for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and til death do us part”.
5 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Exciting
1. Have Independent Interests
You cannot have anything interesting to say if you spend every waking moment doing and experiencing the same things. Having independent interests is not a sign of a weak marriage, as some newlyweds believe, but rather a sign of its strength. Having independent interests means that you have something unique to bring to conversations, ensuring that you both always have something interesting, and yes exciting, to say to one another.
2. Spontaneous Events
While you were dating, planning the spontaneous event seemed rather innate. But, as we grow comfortable in our relationships and more busy by life’s obligations, we have a tendency to rely upon the strength of our relationships and in so doing fail to keep things spontaneous. So to mix things up; plan an afternoon or evening event that is completely new. Try that show your spouse has been dying to see, or visit that new restaurant that just opened up.
3. Never threaten separation
This is less a rule to keep things exciting, and more one to keep them sound. A relationship can only grow and remain exciting if both parties are confident in their commitment to one another. As a consequence, make it a rule between you and your partner that you never threaten separation or divorce. Establish an understanding that if you threaten separation, you should be heading out the door to back it up. It is a harsh rule, but one that needs imposition if your relationship is to survive the ups and downs which are a part of all marriages.
4. Weekend Trips
One sure-fire way to inject some romance into your marriage is to take a vacation with just the two of you. But with the rigors of life and the costs of a trip, a full-blown vacation can seem hard to justify. So instead opt for a one night local vacation. Plan a dinner and evening out, and cap it off with a night in a hotel. The expense isn’t a lot considering the excitement that a trip, no matter how small, can bring into a relationship.
5. Spice up the bedroom
The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom. Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship. So try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.
You cannot have anything interesting to say if you spend every waking moment doing and experiencing the same things. Having independent interests is not a sign of a weak marriage, as some newlyweds believe, but rather a sign of its strength. Having independent interests means that you have something unique to bring to conversations, ensuring that you both always have something interesting, and yes exciting, to say to one another.
2. Spontaneous Events
While you were dating, planning the spontaneous event seemed rather innate. But, as we grow comfortable in our relationships and more busy by life’s obligations, we have a tendency to rely upon the strength of our relationships and in so doing fail to keep things spontaneous. So to mix things up; plan an afternoon or evening event that is completely new. Try that show your spouse has been dying to see, or visit that new restaurant that just opened up.
3. Never threaten separation
This is less a rule to keep things exciting, and more one to keep them sound. A relationship can only grow and remain exciting if both parties are confident in their commitment to one another. As a consequence, make it a rule between you and your partner that you never threaten separation or divorce. Establish an understanding that if you threaten separation, you should be heading out the door to back it up. It is a harsh rule, but one that needs imposition if your relationship is to survive the ups and downs which are a part of all marriages.
4. Weekend Trips
One sure-fire way to inject some romance into your marriage is to take a vacation with just the two of you. But with the rigors of life and the costs of a trip, a full-blown vacation can seem hard to justify. So instead opt for a one night local vacation. Plan a dinner and evening out, and cap it off with a night in a hotel. The expense isn’t a lot considering the excitement that a trip, no matter how small, can bring into a relationship.
5. Spice up the bedroom
The final tip to bring excitement into any relationship is to spice things up in the bedroom. Your sex life has a strong correlation with the strength and satisfaction of your relationship. So try exploring a new position or even a sexual fantasy or adult toy with your partner, and in so doing share something intimate and bring some excitement into your marriage.
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